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DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. 



(Number 218.) 




NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS 



Wttt, 



IN TWO ACTS. 



By CHARLES DANCE, Esq. 



As First Performed at the Royal Olympic Theatre, 

London. 



TO WHICH ABE ADDED, 

A. description of the Costumes— Synopsis of the Piece— Cast of the Characters 

— Entrances and Exits— Relative Positions of the Performers on 

the Stage, and the whole of the Stage Business. 




CLINTON T. DE WITT, PUBLISHER, 

JVo. 33 Hose Street. 




. B5T- A COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WITT'S ACTINC 

XOW \ p LAys , AND DE W | Trs ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, containing 
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tion, mailed free and post-paid. 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. 



Please notice that nearly all the Comedies, Farces and Comediettas in the following 
list o/De Witt's Acting Plats' 1 are very suitable for representation in small Amateur Thea- 
tres and on Parlor Stages, as they need but little extrinsic aid from complicated scenery or 
expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity by their droll situations^ 
excellent plots, great humor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that they are the 
most perfect in every respect of any edition of plays ever published either in the 'United States 
or Europe, whether as regards purity of the text, accuracy and fulness of stage directions aritf 
scenery, or elegance of typography and clearness of printing. 

*** In ordering please copy the figures at the commencement of each piece, which indicafm 
the number of the piece in "De Witt's List of Acting Plats." 

jfl^f Any of the following Plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price — IM 
cents each. 

Address, ROBERT M . DE WITT, 

No. 33 ffose Street, JVew York. \ 

50j^~ The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of 
Acts. The figures in the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male p 
F. female. 



No. M. F. 

75. Adrienne, drama, 3 acts 7 3 

114. Anything for a Change, comedy, 13 3 

167. Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. ... 7 3 

93. Area Belle (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 

40. Atchi, comedietta, 1 act — 3 2 

89. Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce. 1 act. . 3 3 

192. Game of Cards (A), comedietta, 13 1 

166. BardeH vs. Pickwick, sketch, 1 act. 6 2 

41. Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 3 

141. Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 3 

67. Birthplace of Podgers, farce, 1 act . . 7 3 
36. Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts.. 7 5 

160. Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 6 

70. Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act. ...... 3 1 

179. Breach of Promise,, drama, 2 acts.. 5 2 

25. Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta* 14 8 

24. Cabman, No. 93, farce, 1 act 2 2 

1. Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 3 

69. Caught by the Cuff, farce, 1 act 4 1 

175. Casf upon the World, drama, 5acts.l0 5 
55. Catharine Howard, historical play, 

3 acts 12 5 

80. Charming pair, farce, 1 act 4 3 

65. Checkmate, comedy, 2 acts. 6 5 

68. Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3 9 3 

76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act. 3 2 

149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 7 

121. Comical Countess, farce, 1 act 3 1 

107. Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act .2 1 

152. Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act... 1 1 

52. Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act 3 1 

148. Cut off with a Shilling, comedietta, 

1 act 2 1 

113. Cyrill's Success, comedy, 5 acts — 10 4 
199. Captain of the Watch (The), come- 
dietta, 1 act 4 2 

20. Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 4 

4. Dandelion's Dodges, farce, 1 act 4 2 

22. David (iarrick, comedy, 3 acts 8 3 

96. Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act, 4 3 

16. Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts.... 6 5 

58. Deborah (Leah) drama, 3 acts 7 6 

125. Deerfoot, farce. 1 act 5 1 

71. Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts.. 5 3 

142. Dollars and Cents, comedy, 3 acts.. 9 4 



No. M . F .I 

21. Dreams, drama, 5 acts 6 3 

186. Duchess de la Valliere, play, 5 acts.. 6 4 
47. Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 5 2 

13 . Everybody's Friend, comedy, 3 acts. 6 5 

200. Estranged, an operetta, 1 act 2 1 

103. Faust and Marguerite, drama, 3 acts, 9 7 
9. Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dials, 

interlude, 1 act 4 l 

128. Female Detective, drama, 3 acts.... 11 4 

101. Fernande, drama, 3 acts 11 10 

99. Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 acts 10 2 

145. First Love, comedy, ] act 4 1 

102. Foiled, drama. 4 acts 9 3 

88. Founded on Facts, farce, 1 act .... 4 2 

74. Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 4 

53. Gertrude's Money Box, farce, 1 act. 4 2 
73. Golden Fetter (Fettered), drama, 3 11 4 
30. Goose with the Golden Eggs, farce, 

1 act 5 3 

131. Go to Putney, farce, 1 act 4 3 

28. Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 1 

151. Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 

8. Henry Dunbar, drama, 4 acts 10 3 

180. Henry the Fifth, historical play, 5 38 5 

19. He's a Lunatic, farce, 1 act 3 2 

60. Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 5 5 

187. His Own Enemy, farce, 1 act 4 1 

174. Home, comedy, 3 acts 4 3 

64. Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act 1 1 

190 Hunting the Slipper, farce, 1 act 4 1 

191. High C, comedietta, 1 act 4 2 

197. Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts 14 2 

18. If I Had a Thousand a Year, farce, 

1 act 4 3 

116. I'm Not Mesilf at All, original Irish 

stew, 1 act 3 2 

129. In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act 2 3 

159. In the Wrong House, farce, 1 act. . . 4 2 

122. Isabella Orsiui, drama, 4 acts 11 4 

177. I Shall Invite the Major, comedy, 14 1 

100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 2 

139. Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acts... 3 3 

17. Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts 6 4 

86. Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts 12 5 

72. Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 2 



NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 



% Jarre, 



IN TWO ACTS. 



By CHARLES DANCE, Esq 



AS FIRST PRODUCED AT THE ROYAL OLYMPIC THEATRE, LONDON. 



TO WHICH ARE ADDED 

A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUME — CAST OF THE CHARACTERS — EN- 
TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 






i 



NEW YORK: 
CLINTON T. DE WITT, PUBLISHER, 

(SUCCESSOR TO B. Iff. DE WITT), 

No. 33 Rose Street. 



r/c 






NAVAL EN 



ENGAGEMENTS. / t\ ^ZZAj ^ 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Royal Olympic, London. Park, N. Y, 1848. Olympic, N. Y. 

Admiral Kingston Mr. W. Farren Mr. Gilbert ....Mr. Nickinson. 

Lieut. Kingston, R. N..Mr. C. Matthews.. Mr. Walcot Mr. Walcot. 

Short Mr. Wyman Mr. Hamilton Mr. Conover. 

Dennis Mr. Brougham Mr. Everard. 

Mrs. Pontifex Mrs. Orger Mrs. Gilbert Mrs. Turner. 

Miss Mortimer Madame Yestris . . .Miss Rose Telbin Miss Clark. 



TIME IN REPRESENTATION— ONE HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES. 



SCENERY. 

ACT I., Scene 1.— A hall at the Fountain Inn, at Portsmouth, 
ACT I., Scene 2.— A room in Same, with doors f., and doors r. and l. 2 E. Mrs. 
Col. Pontifex and Lieut. Kingston discovered ; the former at work on settee, c, 



R. 3 E. 



Door. 



Door, 



I, 3 E. 



r. 2 e. Door. 



R. 1 E. 



Chairs. 
Round Table. 



Door. l. 2 E. 



.[] 



Sofa 



Chairs. 



l. 1 E. 



R. 



C. 



small work-tahle and basket before her ; the latter r. c, facing the audience, with 
his legs across a chair, his hands crossed on the back of it, and his chin resting on 
his hands. The room is furnished with round table, r., covered with writing mate- 
rials, books, portfolio of prints, vase of flowers, etc. ; sofa, l., and chairs, covered 
with chintz furniture ; the settee and two chairs, on which Mrs. Pontifex and the 
lieutenant are seated must be set in front of the second grooves, so that the third 
scene may close up, leaving them on the stage, with the side doors as used in this 
scene, and painted to match the third. 

ACT I., Scene 3.— Another room in same ; the admiral's two doors in f.. r. 
and l. 

ACT I., Scene 4. — Same as second. 

ACT II., Scene 1.— The hall in the Fountain Inn. 

ACT II., Scene 2.— Same as Scene third— settee and two chairs. 

ACT II., Scene 3.— Same as Scene second, Act first. 



NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 



COSTUMES. 

Admiral Kingston.— Modern naval uniform, epaulettes, a gold stripe of lace down 
the trousers. 

Lieutenant Kingston, K. N.— Modern naval uniform, etc. 

Shout (landlord of the Fountain, at Portsmouth).— Black coat and trousers, 
figured cut velvet waistcoat, white neckerchief, pumps. 

Dennis (waiter at ditto).— White trousers, buff waistcoat, blue striped jacket ; 
white neckerchief. After the first scene he wears a black narrow and long- 
tailed coat. 

Mrs. p'ontifax.— A puce satin pelisse, lace cap and lappets. 
Miss Mortimer.— A white satin pelisse ove.r a blue slip ; blue flowers in the hair. 



PROPERTIES. 

Work-basket and work, writing materials, books, portfolio of prints, vase of 
flowers, bill of fare. 



EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
The Actor is supposed to face the Audience. 



P. R. C. 


C. D. 


«UU. E. 


SCENE. 


B.SE. ' 




, / 




E. 2e. 




,/ 




/ 





L. U.S. 



\ 



L. 3E. 



\ 



\ 



In 2E. 

L. IE, 



\ 



R. 



B. 0. 



c. 
AUDIENCE. 




c. 




R. 




R. 1 E. 




It. 2 E. 




R. 3e. 




R. U. E. 


) 


D. R. C- 



L. O. 



L. 



L. Left. 

l. c. Left Centre. , 

l. 1 e. Left First Entrance. 

L. 2 e. Left Second Entrance. 

L. 3 E. Left Third Entrance. 

L. u. E. Left Upper Entrance 

(wherever this Scene may be.) 

v. L. c. Doer Left Centre. 



Centre. 

Eight. 

Eight First Entrance. 

Eight Second Entrance. 

Eight Third Entrance, 

Eight Upper Entrance, 

Door Eight Centre. 



NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 



SYNOPSIS. 

Dennis, a waiter, is discovered asleep in the hall of the Fountain Inn, at Ports- 
mouth, when Short, the landlord, enters, grumbling at the high price of market- 
ing. Short bawls in Dennis 1 ear, and asks if there is anybody with old Admiral 
Kingston, in Room 8. He is told there is a pretty young lady there, likewise that 
in Room 14 there is a young naval officer and a middle-aged female. After a keen 
exchange of rough verbal shots they withdraw. In the next scene Lieut. Kings- 
ton and Mrs. Col. Pontifex are conversing. The lieutenant is ill at ease, and the 
lady questions him sharply. He appears to dread meeting his father, after a long 
absence, although he admits that they had always been more like brothers than 
father and son ; still they had agreed that if either married the bride should not 
be of an unsuitable age, and now, insinuated the young officer, I am about to 
marry Mrs. Col. Pontifex. The lady is slightly touched at this reference to her 
age, but they agree that the best thing they can do is to hurry and meet the old 
admiral. The landlord is summoned, after the lady withdraws, and, to the youth's 
surprise, tells him that Admiral Kingston is at the very moment in the inn. The 
lieutenant, learns that he is in Room No. 8, and rushes off to meet him, but, look- 
ing into his room, finds it empty, and retires. A moment after Miss Mortimer 
and the admiral are there together. From their conversation it appears that they 
are to be married, although the lady is so much the gentleman's junior that she 
calls him "grandpa. 1 ' Ther, it transpires that the admiral is nervous about meet- 
ing his son and telling him of his approaching marriage, for the reason already 
given ; but he dares not tell his young intended that. The old gentleman goes off 
to find his son, while the son returns to look for him. Dashing into the room, he 
is surprised to find a beautiful young lady there. In vain he tries to find out what 
her business is in the admiral's rooms ; but she craftily and wittily baffles him, and 
withdraws. Puzzled, he rushes off to look elsewhere for his father. The old gen- 
tleman, meanwhile, has crossed into his son's rooms, and is startled at hearing, in 
a female voice, " Is that you, Kingston dear ?" At his wits' end to account for this 
state of affairs, he essays to get from the lady — whose looks he likes vastly — an ex- 
planation, but she shrewdly parries his inquiries, and then leaves him. The son 
runs in, and the twain indulge in an affectionate hug. After a pleasant interchange 
of compliments they recall old times, and particularly the fact that they agreed so 
well with each other that they had resolved never to marry without mutual concur- 
rence. They are both embarrassed, and beat about like boats with a head-wind. 
At last the admiral plumply announces that he is going to take a wife— a young 
woman. Tom rejoins thai he also is about to be married — to a widow. Each sees at 
once the absurdity of the other's choice, and they don't spare ridicule. They are 
about to part in a pet, the father saying, "Boy, go to your widow "—the son re- 
sponding, " And you, sir, to your boarding-school miss ;" but the two ladies enter, 
and a comical scene ensues, in which all take laughable parts, and are playing at 
cross purposes. 

In the second act Dennis and Short have a genuine hit of drollery, which is cut 
short by the entrance of Miss Mortimer and Mrs. Pontifex. The ladies agree that 
each of them shall go to the other's sweetheart, and get them to "let up" on the 
engagements, as they are only productive of ill-feeling. Mrs. Pontifex sees the 
admiral, and leaves him delighted with her good sense and good looks. Mart 
meanwhile calls at Tom's room. The latter begins to grow sentimental as he re- 
calls their early days, when they were children together ; but Mary reminds him 
of their altered circumstances, and tells him that they must go to see the admiral, 
who has already been interviewed by Mrs. Pontifex. As they leave the room, 
arm-in-arm, they encounter Tom's father and Mrs. Pontifex in a similar position. 
Many amusing incidents follow, terminating with a change of partners, to the de- 
light of all concerned. Thus a satisfactory conclusion is brought to " Naval En- 
gagements." 



NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 



ACT I. 

SCENE I. — A Hall at the Fountain Inn at Portsmouth. 

Dennis discovered asleep in a chair, l.> with a napkin in his hand. 

Den. {talking in his sleep). Thank you, Captain! thank you! God 
bless your honor, and thank you a thousand times ! Upon my con- 
science, the army's a fool to the navy for generosity! {after a pause) 
Och, Colonel, and is all this money for me 1 By my soul the navy must 
knock under to the army for generosity, any way. {bell, i,., waking) 
AVhat bell is that 1 {bell) Oh, no hurry; it's only the travellers' room. 
{sleeps.) 

Enter Short, l., returning from market. 

Short. How plaguy dear the fish is, to be sure! That won't do. 
While the fishmongers make me pay such rascally prices, I shall never 
be able to charge my customers above twice what I give ! there's some 
infernal roguery somewhere, {seeing Dennis) Well, I'm sure! this is a 
pretty time of day to go to sleep ! I'll indulge him with an Irish wake. 
( goes close to him, and bawls in his ear) Dennis ! 

Den. Coming, {starts up and nearly knocks Short down) Och! 
murder ! master dear ! is it you called out Dennis 1 

Short (l.). It was. But you have nearly killed me. 

Den. (r.). Sure, I'm sorry it's asleep I was; I was was quite blocked 
up. 

Short. And I was almost knocked down. 

Den. Sure, I didn't go to do it. 

Short. How did you come to do it ? 

Den. There's not a jury in England that wouldn't say my pushing you 
was accidental death. Arn't you my master 1 and wouldn't my run ring 
against you be running against my own interest ? 

Short. But what buisness had you to be asleep at eleven o'clock 
in the morning 1 or, indeed, what business has a waiter ever to go to 
sleep ? 

Den. Ah ! master, now. don't be hard upon me. Sure the young 
gentlemen that dined up stairs yesterday, never went home to their 
mammies till seven this morning, and it's the devil a bit of a bed I've 
had. 

Short. You don't say so ! did they all stay till seven 1 

Den. They did, sir. 

Short. And were the^ drinking all the time 1 



6 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 

Den. They were, sir. 

Short. Why, it was enough to make 'em all ill. 
Den\ You may say that, sir. 

Shout. A pretty penny it will cost their poor parents. 
Den, It's to be hoped they're not very poor parents, sir. 
Short. Don't you joke upon such a subject, Dennis. I'm quite 
shocked to hear of such young men drinking so much — without eating. 
Dkn. Sure they'd the devil's own supper at two, sir. 
Short. I'm glad of that, for so much drinking without eating is bad 
for everybody. Did they order any breakfast before they went 1 
Den. Some coffee, sir. 

Short. It would have been better for all parties if they had had a 
complete breakfast ; however, charge it as a breakfast, and it may serve 
as a warning to them. Young men who drink hard over night are sure 
to pay for it in the morning. 

Dux. Very true, sir. Are you quite sure I didn't hurt you, sir 9 
Short. I'm quite sure you did. Has there been any arrival while 
I've been out 1 

Den. Yes, sure, sir. There's ould Admiral Kingston in No. 8. 
Short. Anybody with him 1 
Den. A young lady, sir. 
. Short. What is she 1 
Den. What is she 1 faith, she's mighty pretty. 
Short. I mean, who is she 7 
Den. Who is she 1 that I don't know, sir. 
Short. Have they ordered anything 1 
Den. They have, sir. 
Short. What] 
Den. A pair of horses, sir. 

Short [laughing). A pair of horses ! Did thev order anything to 
eat? 

Den. Nothing but the horses, sir. 

Short. Anybody else come ] 

Den. Yes, sir ; there's a young naval officer in No. 14. 

Short. Anybody with him ] 

Den. A middle-aged female; supposed to be his mother. x 

Short. What's his name 1 

Den. I don't know, sir. 

Short. Has he ordered anything] 

Den. He has, sir! 

Short. At last — what is if? 

Den. He ordered me to hold my tongue when I asked 

Short. Is your tongue anything to eat, pray 1 
Dion. It's to be hoped not, sir, for I bit it once, and I didn't like it. 
Short. Well. I can make nothing of you, so I shall go and see what 
I can make of them. The Admiral is an old customer, and he must do 
as he likes ; but the youngster shall eat something, whether he's hun- 
gry or not. 

Den. That's right, master; make him eat something, if it's only just 
that you may put down upon paper that he has. 
Short. I know what I'm about, Dennis. 

Den. The divil a doubt of it, sir. You're not such a fool as you 
look. 

Short. Whereas you, on the contraiy, don't look such a fool as you 
are (going.) 

Den. Long life to your gentility, master; for you're never behind- 
hand at returning a compliment. [Exeunt at opposite sides. 



ACT 1.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 



SCENE II. — A room in the same, with c. doors and doors it. and l. 2 
e. Mrs. Col. Pontifex and Lieut. Kingston discovered ; the for- 
mer at work on settee, c, small work-table and basket before her ; 
the latter r. c, facing the audience, with his legs across a chair, 
his hands crossed on the back of it and his chin resting on his 
hands. Ihe room is furnished with round table, n., covered with 
writing materials, books, portfolio of prints, vase of flowers, etc. ; 
sofa, l., and chairs, covered with chintz furniture ; the settee and 
tioo chairs, on which Mrs. Pontifex and the Lieutenant are seat- 
ed must be set in front of the second grooves, so that the third scene 
may close up, leaving them on the stage, icith the side doors as 
used in this scene, and painted to match the third. 

Mns. P. (a). A penny for your thoughts, Kingston dear. 

Lieot. K. (r. c ). They're not worth it. 

Mrs. P. Then you ought to he ashamed of yourself, for you can't 
have been thinking of me. 

Lieut. K. Indeed I was. (rises, and walks restlessly to and fro) I 
never did know anything so worrying, so teasing, so perplexing in my 
life, (resumes his positioii.) 

Mrs P. As I am 7 

Lieut. K. No, no! not you. 

Mrs P. A penny for your thoughts now, Kingston dear, 

Lieut. K. My dear Mrs. Pontifex, I assure you they are not worth 
it. 

Mrs. P. Now, Kingston dear, why do you call me Mrs. Pontifex 1 It 
seems very formal to a woman whom you are about to marry. When 
the late Col. Pontifex — then only Captain Pontifex — was making his ad- 
dresses to me he always called me Selina. 

Lieut. K And I'll call you Selina if you wish it. 

Mas. P. Now, Kingston dear, that's very kind of you — very. You're 
not annoved with me for alluding to poor, dear Colonel Pontifex, are 
you 1 

Lieut. K. Who ? I ? Oh, by no means, (relapsing into thought) 
Died at Gibraltar about three years since. 

Mrs. P. (rising and coming to him). I'm quite aware of that 5 but 
what on earth makes you mention it just now, Kingston dear. 

Lieut K. (rising). I beg your pardon — I was thinking aloud. The 
fact is that my head is full of my approaching interview with my father, 
and I was wondering how he would receive 

Mrs. P. How he would receive you ? 

Lieut. K. No, no ! I have no fear about that. 

Mrs. P. How he would receive me, then? 

Lieut. K. No, not exactly you. 

Mrs. P. Kingston dear, there's a mystery ; I have thought there was 
for some time past, and now I'm sure of it ; so don't attempt to deny it, 
but give me an explanation, and a chair. 

Lieut. K. I beg you a thousand pardons, (gives her a chair, l. c, 
they sit — Mrs. Pontifex makes herself up to listen — Lieut. K. re- 
lapses into thought.) 

Mrs. P. (r. c, after tt pause). Well 

Lieut. K. (l. c). Are you speaking to me ? 

Mks. P. Oh ! Yes, I was speaking to you, and I should think you 
very well knew what about ; however, to prevent the possibility of 
mistake, I'll tell you again. There is evidently some uneasiness in your 
mind about meeting your father. You have always told me that you 



8 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 

lived and parted with him on the best of terms, and therefore I am 
bound to suppose that the uneasiness relates in some way to me. We 
are within ten miles of his house, and, as we say in the army, I demand 
an explanation. 

Lieut. K. Then, Selina, as we say in the navy, you must have it ; but 
it's very awkward — upon my life it is. (aside) How shall I tell her. 
(aloud) You know my father ] 

Mrs. P. (r.). No, I don't know your father. 

Lieut. K. (l.). No, I know ; but you know what I mean. 

Mrs. P. Well — go on. 

Lieut. K. My father and I have ever lived together, as I have often 
told you, on the best of terms. 

Mrs. P. Yes. 

LrEUT.-K. More like brothers than father and son. 

Mrs. P. Yes. 

Lieut. K. With but one opinion, as it were, between us upon every 
subject. 

Mrs. P. Yes. 

Lieut. K. No jealousy 

Mrs. P. No. 



Lieut. K. No concealment ■ 

Mrs. P. No. 

Lieut. K. No mistrust 

Mrs. P. No. 

Lieut. K. (aside). Confound her monosyllables, she doesn't help me 
out in the least, (aloud) You have no idea how curiously well we agreed. 

Mrs. P. I ought to have a very good idea of it, for you repeat it often 
enough. 

Lieut. K. (aside). It's of no use, I must bring it out somehow, (aloud) 
It went even to this extent — we had but one opinion about marriage. 

Mrs. P. And that was 

Lieut. K. That it was a point on which every person had a right to 
please himself, without reference to the opinion of relation or friend. 
This was the very last topic we discussed two years ago, when I left 
England for Gibraltar, where I had the happiness of becoming acquain- 
ted with you. Now, considering that I was just five-and-twenty, and an 
only son, and that my father was a widower of five-and-fifty, with a 
large fortune, I think our sentiments argue considerable liberality on 
both sides. 

Mrs. P. Well ! I think they do, Kingston d^ar ; and such being the 
ease, there can be no doubt that your father will cheerfully consent to 
our marriage. 

Lieut. K. No — exactly — but 

Mrs. P. But what 1 Your're getting mysterious again. 

Lieut K. Why, the truth is, that in some cases it is possible for peo- 
ple to agree too well ; and in giving each other a carte blanche upon the 
subject of matrimony, there was one reservation — I can't help it, and so 
you must pardon it — we entered into an engagement that neither of us 
was to marry a woman of an age unsitable to his own ; this, little think- 
ing into whose delightful society I was going to be thrown, I, in a mo- 
ment of indiscretion, agreed to ; and if either broke the engagement, 
we agreed 

Mrs. P. You agreed to quarrel, I suppose'? 

Lieut. K. Not exactly, but it is awkward — isn't it ? 

Mrs. P. I don't know that. Some people are more reasonable than 
others. I see nothing so very unsuitable in our ages. 

Lieut. K. Nor I. In short, I never thought about it. 



ACT I.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. ^ 9 

Mrs. P. I am not a giddy girl, to be sure. 

Lieut. K. No, that you're not. 

Mrs. P. Nor are you a decrepit old man. 

Li but. K. Certainly not ; and so if you'll put on your bonnet, we'll 
order a chaise, be off at once to my dad's, and know the worst of it. 

Mrs. P. You're quite right, Kingston dear; anything is better than 
suspense. You always like to know the worst of a thing, that's the 
best of it. [Exit, c. d. 

Lieut. K. Yes, we'll be off to my dad's, tell our story, throw ourselves 

upon his generosit}' 

Enter Short, l. 2 e. 

ask for his consent, and — {meeting Short) who the devil are you? 

Short. Short, sir ; master of this inn. 

Lieut. K. Short 1 why you haven't been here long, Short? 

Short. No, sir; short of a twelvemonth. 

Lieut. K. I thought I remembered that I didn't recollect you. 

Short. Would you please to lake anything, sir 1 

Lieut. K. Yes ; I am going to take myself off directly. 

Short. Then I should recommend a nice mutton cotelet, sir. 

Lieut. K. {impatiently). Mutton devil ! 

Shout. As you please, sir, — but devils are more commonly taken for 
supper ; a nice mutton cotelet I should say for you, and a broiled part- 
ridge for the lady. 

Lieut. K. I haven't time to wait. 

Short. Then, sir, decidedly some cold chicken and tongue. 

Lieut. K. My good friend, I'm not well. 

Short. Oh ! I beg your pardon, sir. You wish for some soup. 

Lieut. K. I don't wish for any such thing. I am well enough in 
health, but I am fatigued — and bothered — and low spirited. 

Short. If I might suggest, sir, I should say there is nothing better 
than a sandwich, and a couple of glasses of champagne, for any one who 
is rather low. 

Lieut. K. Then, my friend, as you seem rather low, you had better 
swallow them yourself. Order me a chaise and a pair of horses. 

Short. Where for, sir 1 

Lieut. K. I want to go about ten miles on the London road — to Ad- 
miral Kingston's, in short. I dare say you know it. 

Short. Oh, yes ; I know it, sir. Do you know him t 

Lieut K. I ought — he's my father. 

Short. You don't say so, sir; then, sir, to see your father, you 
needn't go farther, for your father is nearer than you think for. 

Lieut. K. What ! is he in Portsmouth, this morning ? 

Short. He's in this very house. 

Lieut. K. My father in this very house ? Why, I haven't seen him 
for these two years. You have absolutely given me a palpitation in the 
heart. 

Short Old sherry, sir, is considered an excellent thing for that. 

Lieut. K. Now don't bother me about old sherry, but lead the way 
to my father's apartment. Or stay, tell me the number of it. 

Short. No. 8, sir. 

Lieut. K. Now, stand clear of the gangway, and I'll soon find it. 

[Pushes him aside, and exit, l. 

Short. Let me see — for I suspect that this encounter will turn out 
luckily for me. They were all four going to the Admiral's ; — good ! 
They can't all four go in one chaise ; — good ! The Admiral and his son 
can't part the moment they meet; — good ! and the two ladies can't go 



10 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 

in one chaise, and leave the two gentlemen to go in the other ; — good ! 
It follows, therefore, that they must all stop here and order a dinner ; 
— good ! very good ! 

SCENE III. — Another Room in the same — the Admiral's two doors in 

flat, a. and l. 

Lieut. K. {opening l. d. f., and rushing in). My dear father ! I am 
delighted to find — (stops and looks about) No one here'? What an ass 
that landlord is ! (rushes out again, r. d. f.) 

Enter, at another door, r., Admiral Kingston. 

Admiral. It's time we were off; or else that youngster will he at 
home before me. (goes to door of inner room, r. 2 e., and knocks) Mary, 
my dear ! Mary ! 

Miss M. (within). Coming, grandpapa. 

Adm. (coming away from the door). Pshaw ! I wish the little baggage 
would leave off that silly custom of calling me grandpapa. 

Enter Miss Mortimer, r. 2. e. 

Miss M. Here I am, grandpapa. What do you want ? 

Adm. Why, my dear, in the first place, I want you to leave off calling 
me grandpapa, now that we are going to be man and wife. 

Miss M. (r.). I'll try, but I think it will be very difficult ; I have 
been used to it so long. You know you taught me to call you so your- 
self when I was a little girl and used to sit upon your knee. 

Adm. (l.). That's very true, my dear ; but that was twelve or four- 
teen years asjo, and it was a joke. I have changed my opinion since, 
and now I think it's no joke. 

Miss M. Well, just as you like, grand 1 mean, just as you like, 

sir. 

Adm. No, I don't like " sir," neither. 

Miss M. What then 1 

Adm. Why, to say the truth, there is a little awkwardness about \L 
My Christian name, as you know, is Theodore; but as there is rather 
more than the usual difference between our ages, perhaps that would 
sound a little romantic. Suppose you call me Admiral 1 

Miss M. I shall like that better than anything, for I hope you don't 
think that I am going to marry you because you're rich. 

Adm. (taking her hand). Delightful little creature! I may flatter my- 
self, then, that you are not induced to consent to this step for the sake 
of my money 1 

Miss M. Oh dear, no ! 

Adm. (aside). Frank, confiding soul ! I can't deny myself the luxury 
of hearing a further confession, (aloud) You marry me, then, my dear 
Mary, for my 

Miss M. For your rank, to be sure. 

Adm. (letting go of her, and aside). Oh, confound the rank ! 

Miss M. You remember that I used to read of Duncan, Nelson, 
Howe, and Jarvis, until I always told papa that I would marry an ad- 
miral ; though, to be sure, I little thought my words would ever come 
true. 

Adm. Well, my love, we won't pursue that subject any farther just at 
present. My son has landed here this morning from Gibraltar ; I 



d 



ACT I.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 31 

have missed him somehow, and I suppose he has taken a chaise, and 
gone post-haste home to see me. Your father lias given me leave to 
take you over and introduce you to him ; so I have ordered horses to 
my carriage, and I want you to be ready in five minutes. 

Miss M. I won't be two. I haven t seen my old playfellow, Tom- 
my Kingston, since he first went to sea — a little bit of a midshipman. 

Adm He's only a lieutenant now. 

Miss M. I don't care a straw about his rank ; I like him for himself. 

Adm. {aside). I would change ranks with the young dog to have her 
say that of me. {aloud) You must bear in mind, my dear, that you and 
Tom are not of an age to be playfellows now. 

Miss M. Aren't we? Oh, la! I forgot I was going to be his 
mother. 

Adm. And there is another thing that I wish to mention to you. I 
have a particular reason for not letting my son, Lieutenant Kingston, 
see you until after I have had some conversation with him. 

Miss M. La! grand — sir! — admiral! how mysterious you are. If 
there's a secret, do tell it me. 

Adm. No, no, there's no great secret about it, only— —Come now, put 
on your things. 

Miss M. I won't go till you tell me what all this means. If I'm to 
be Mrs. Admiral Kingston, I ought to know everything that you know. 

Adm. Well, well, you are to be Mrs. Admiral Kingston, and you shall 
know — but it's really nothing. 1 only want to see my son first, to in- 
form him of my intended marriage — to prepare him for it — to break it 
to him, as it were. 

Miss M. Break it to him 1 what, do you think it will shock him 7 

Adm. Shock him ! Oh, no ! 

Miss M. What then 1 

Adm. Why, he might object to it. 

Miss M. Has he any right to object to. it 1 

Adm. Certainly not — that is — not any natural right. 

Miss M. Well, then, it wouldn't signify. 

Adm. {aside). The little baggage has got the weather-gage of me, 
and she won't give me a chance, {aloud) I don't say that it would sig- 
nify ; but he is my son, and can't you understand that I would not 
willingly hurt his feelings. 

Miss M. I don't understand anything about it, sir 5 do you expect 
that he will want to marry me himself? 

Adm. Want to marry you 1 Oh ! I've no fear of that. 

Miss M. Well, he might, you know ; there's no knowing. 

Adm. {aside). Egad ! it's possible that he might; and that's another 
reason for my seeing him first. 

Miss M. I shall find out what all this means, some clay or other. 
You tell me that you are as anxious as possible to see your son, and yet 
you seem so fidgety at the idea of seeing him, that you don't know 
what to do. 

Adm. I fidgety at the idea of seeing my son 1 Come, I like that ! 

Miss M. (r.). Indeed you are, Admiral ; fidgety and nervous to a de- 
gree. 

Enter Dennis, l. f. 

Adm. (c.) I nervous 1 and about meeting Tom 1 that's capital — that 
really is capital ! 

Den. (l). Lieutenant Kingston, sir, R. N. 

Adm. {jumping round). Who do you say, sir 1 

Miss M. I say, Admiral — " / nervous ? / tUgety 1" - -% 



12 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 

Adm. Be quiet one moment, there's a good girl, (to Dennis) What 
is it you say 1 

Den. Lieutenant Kingston, sir, K. N., has been looking for your 
honor all over the house. 

Adm. He hasn't been here ? 

Den. I beg your pardon, sir ; he was here a little while ago, and, as 
he told me there was nobody in the room, I thought I'd come in and let 
you know that he couldn't find you. 

Adm. Where is he now ? 

Adm. Faith, sir, he's everywhere at the same time, for he doesn't stop 
more than two minutes in one place. 

Adm. Now, Mary, my love, oblige me by retiring to your own room 
till I call you. (leading her toicards the door.) 

Miss M. You shall own something or other to me before I go, that 
I'm determined — aren't you nervous 1 

Adm. Well, well ! a little — now, go in. 

Miss M. Aren't you fidgety 1 

Adm. The least thing in life. There — go and 

Miss M. Isn't there a mystery 1 

Adm. Yes, there is. Now pray go in. 

Miss M. I knew there was a mystery. [Exit into room r. 2. e. 

Adm. Waiter ! — whate.ver your name is — go in. 

Den. Dennis, sir ! my name is Dennis. 

Adm Well, Dennis, with all my heart 

Den. Oh ! bless you, sir, that's not a bit like it. Dennis Magrath is 
my name. 

Adm. The devil take your name. 

Den. The devil take my name, sir? Och, never, sir! The devil's not 
enough of a gentleman to be allowed to take the name of Magrath ; 
though there's none of the Magraths that isn't universally allowed to 
have a bit of the devil in them. 

Adm. Now, sir, hold your tongue, and listen to my orders. 

Den. To be sure, sir. 
* Adm. The young gentleman you spoke of is my son. 

Den. Your son 1 then you're his father ? 

Adm. Do keep silence — I don't wish to see him here ; I mean, not in 
this room. Go you, therefore, and find him, and tell him that I am not 
yet come back. 

Den. Maybe he won't believe me, sir; because he's so mighty eager 
to see you. Hadn't i better go tell him that you told me yourself, you 
Avasn't here 1 

Adm. Take your own way, but get him to his room, and I'll follow 
him there. 

Den. Consider the thing done, sir. [Exit, l. f. 

Adm. It is a devilish hard case that a man is to live to the age of 
five-and-fifty with a fair reputation for courage, and then to be, all on 
a sudden, half afraid of meeting his own son. [Exit, l. f. 

Miss M. (opens the door, r. 2. e., and peeps out). It is astonish- 
ing how curious women are ! Here I am peeping out, and I have 
no reason to give for doing so half as strong as that I was desired not. 
The Admiral has sailed, and the c°ast is clear — there's no enemy's 
cruiser in sight, and I shall venture out. (goes to door, h. f., and listens) 
1 hear no one — I'll open the door, (ojwns it gently) Gracious! there's 
somebody coming, (attempts to close the door, which Lieut. K. pulls 
open.) 

Lieut K. (entering). Don't shut the door, old gentleman ! I've found 
you at last — a lady ! 



ACT 1.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 13 

Miss M. (u.). A stranger! (turninq away and aside) I remember 
him, though he doesn't remember me ; but I mustn't appear to know 
him, or the Admiral will be angry. 

Lieut. K. 1 beg your pardon. I fear you must have thought me very 
rude, but 1 took you for Admiral Kingston. 

Miss M. It is the first time I have been so much honored, sir. 

Lieut. K. I mean I took this- for Admiral Kingston's room. 

Miss M. You are quite right, sir. He will return immediately. I am 
about to retire, and if you will take a chair, I have no doubt you will 
see him in five minutes. 

Lieut. K. Nay, madam! rather allow me to retire I couldn't think 
of causing you to leave your — to leave his — to leave this room, {aside) 
Who the deuce can she be 1 

Miss M. (going). I have only one word more to say, sir — you will 
particularly oblige me by not mentioning to the Admiral that you have 
seen me. 

Lieut. K. (aside). What on earth does that mean 1 (aloud) One mo- 
ment, ma'am, pray. Have I the honor of addressing a relation of 
Admiral Kingston % 

Miss M. Not exactly, sir; but I think /have. 

Lieut. K. You have the advantage of me. 

Miss M. (curtesying). And I mean to keep it. 

Lieut. K. (aside). How provoking she is. (aloud) Excuse me, but 
you seem aware that I am the Admiral's son ; you will not, therefore, 
wonder at my natural curiosity upon a subject which — in short — 
madam — is my father married 1 

Miss M. Not that I am aware of, sir. 

Lieut. K. (aside). That's some relief, (aloud) Then — pardon my ask- 
ing — are you here with him .' 

Miss M. How can I be, when he is absent 1 

Lieut. K. No — but I mean — is he here with you ? 

Miss M. The same answer applies. 

Lieut. K. There is some mystery. 

Miss M. There is, indeed. 

Lieut. K. You own it? 

Miss M. And the Admiral owns it.. 

Lieut. K. It must and shall be cleared up. 

Miss M. Will you promise me that 1 

Lieu r K I will. 

Miss M. Then you are a very delightful young man — that I will 
say. (going towards the door of her room, r.) 

Lieut. K. And you're a most extraordinary young woman — that I 
must say. 

Miss M. And so ends the first interview between Lieutenant Thomas 
Kingston, R. N. 

Lieut. K. (eagerly). And f 

Miss M. (curtesying). His most obedient servant. 

[Exit into room r. 2. e. 

Lieut. K. A young lady in my father's apartments, who knows him 
and knows me, but whom I don't know, and who declines to tell me 
who she is! 1 suspect the old gentleman is running a little wild. 
(takes a chair) Well ! when one can't understand a thing the best way 
is to sit down quietly (sits) and wait patiently for an explanation. 
(jumping up) I can't stop here by myself. [Exit, l. d. f. 



14 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 



SCENE IV. — Same as Scene 11. — The Lieutenant's apartments, as 

before. 

Adm. {knocking without, and calling, l.). Ship ahoy ! Tom, my boy, 
where are you, {entering) Tom, you rascal, where are you, I say ? 

Mrs. P. (from her room, a). Is that you, Kingston dear ? 

Adm. (starting). Who the devil can that be? 

Mrs. P. (entering., and speaking as she enters, c.\ I say, is that you, 
Kingston dear 1 (darts on meeting Admiral) Bless me ! 

Adm. (l.). I certainly am Kingston, ma'am ; but I am not so fortunate 
as to be dear to you, that I know of! 

Mrs. P. (r.). I beg your pardon, sir 

Adm. Don't apologize, ma'am, pray, (aside) She's a very nice-looking 
woman. 

Mrs. P. I presume you are looking for Mr. Kingston 1 

Adm. Just so, ma'am. 

Mrs. P. Is there anything I can do for you when he returns 1 

Adm You're very kind, ma'am. My principal business with him is 
to embrace him. 

Mr<. P. Sir! 

Adm. Don't be alarmed, ma'am — I'm his father. 

Miss. P. (aside). The Admiral! What a nice-looking man! (aloud) 
You are aware, sir, that I had not the honor of knowing you. Mr. 
Kingston will be here, I dare say, in two or three minutes. 

Adm. I was rightly directed, then ; and these are his apartments? 

Mrs P. If they were not, sir, /should not be here. 

Adm. Indeed ! {aside) That's very extraordinary ! 

Mrs. P. (aside). I've made a foolish speech. 

Adm. You will excuse the natural anxiety of a father ; I have not 
seen my son for two years, and after what you have said, it behoves me 
to ask a question which I trust you will see the propriety of answering 
candidly — are you his wife ? 

Mrs. P. No, sir, I am not. 

Adm. Then, ma'am, I very much fear that you must be ■ 

Mrs. P. (interrupting him, and curtesying). Nothing of the kind, sir, 
I assure you. 

Adm. Will you oblige me by telling me who you are 1 

Mrs. P. (r.). You must excuse me; I think I hear your son return- 
ing. I really must beg to retire, although I regret to own that appear- 
ance, at this particular moment, is against me. I can't exactly explain 
why I can't explain, but when you see your son he will explain every 
thing, (curtesys, and re-enters room, c.) 

Adm. (l.). Yes, ma'am, and efoVappearance at this particular moment 
is against you, too. A lady in my son's apartments who refuses to tell 
me who she is ! and who says it' they were not bis apartments, she 
shouldn't be here ! I suspect the young gentleman is running a little 
wild. 

Door opens, l. 2 D.. and Lieut. K. enters hastily. 

Lieut. K. (stopping on seeing his father). What ! Admiral ! 

Adm. What ! Tom, my boy ! come to my arms, you dog. (Lieut. 
K. runs to him— they embrace) 

Lieut K. (l.). And how are you, sir 1 

Adm. Hearty as a buck, my boy, thank you ; hearty as a buck, fresh 
as a four-year-old. and jolly as a sand-boy. How has two years in the 
Mediterranean agreed with you? 



ACT 1.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 15 

Lieut. K. Oh ! very well, sir. 

Adm. So I see — so 1 see. You're looking famously. I thought j T ou 
were gone home, and I should have been off after you, if I had not 
heard accidentally that you were here. 

Lieut. K. I suspect we have missed one another by being in the 
same house, sir. 

Adm, Not unlikely, faith. But no matter for that now, I have found 
you, and by George, I'm as glad as if I had found a large bag of money ; 
— nay, more so ; for I don't want money, and I do want my son. (shak- 
ing hands with him again.) 

Lieut. K. You forget our old compact, sir. I am not your son — we 
are brothers ! 

Adm. True, boy, true ; we are indeed, and always were, more like 

brothers than father and son. No concealment 

Lieut. K. No restraint 

Adm. No evasion 

Lieut. K. No black looks 

Adm. No disobedience 

Lieut. K. No harsh commands 

Adm. Well, well, we won't compliment one another any more. I be- 
lieve we both went upon the right system, and We can't do better than 
stick to it; and so get a chair, (Lieutenant places chairs) sit you 
down, and let us have a chat together upon the old principle. 

Lieut. K. (l.). Without saying anything about father and son. sir, I 
must say I think it was a little curious that any two men of such differ- 
ent ages as you and I are, should have agreed so exactly upon every 
subject that could be framed. 
Adm. (r ). Well, I think it was. 

Lieut. K. I remember that we both liked the same pursuits ■ • 
Adm. We did. 

Lieut. K. The same amusements 

Adm. We did. 

Lieut. K. The same people 

Adm. We did. 

Lieut. K. The same things to eat and drink 

Adm. We did. 

Lieut. K. And, what was more singular still, though I was an only 
son, and you were a rich widower, we even agreed upon the subject of 
marriage. 
Adm. Eh 7 

Lieut. K. Why, we did, sir — didn't we ? 
Adm. Oh ! yes — yes ; I believe we did. 

Lieut. K. Believe we did. sir 1 Why, wasn't it understood between 
us. that neither was to make the slightest objection, let the other marry 
whomever he might "? 

Adm. [aside). Perhaps he has forgot the other part of the agreement. 
(aloud) To be sure it was — to be sure it was. (shaking hands with him.) 

Lieut. K. That is — provided 

Adm. (letting suddenly go of him, and aside) Oh ! the devil take it ! 
he has not forgotten it. Can he suspect ? 

Lieut. K. (aside). The Admiral seems annoyed — he can't have any 
suspicion, surely, (they both tarn aside, and relapse into thought. 
After a pause of mutual embarrassment, the Admikal speaks.) 
Adm. Tom ! 

Lieut. K. Sir. (another pa 'use.) 
Adm. Tom ! Why don't you go on speaking. Tom ? 
Lieut. K. I have nothing more to say, sir. (another pause.) 



1G NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 

Adm. Pray, Mr. Tom, what is the meaning of this sudden awkward- 
ness between us ? 

Lieut. K. I really can't explain, sir. 

Adm. It never used to be so. 

Lieut. K. That's just what I was thinking, sir. 

Adm. I think it's a great pity. 

Lieut. K. So do I, sir. 

Adm. (aside). I want to break my marriage to him, but I can't yet. 
I'll tax him about that lady. 

Lieut. K. (aside). It won't do to talk to him about this marriage while 
he's in this mood. I'll ask him who his female friend is. 

Adm. (aloud and sharply). Tom ! 

Lieut. K. (same tone). Sir ! 

Adm. I won't bear this any longer. 

Lieut. K. That's right, sir. 

Adm. (turning his cJiair, and facing Lieutenant). Sir, I paid a visit 
to your apartments in your absence, and there / found a lady 

Lieut. K (turning Jtis chair, and facing Admiral). Sir, 2" paid a 
visit to your apartments in your absence, and there / found a lady 

Adm. {rises). Sir, that lady refused to tell me who she was 

Lieut. K. (rises). Sir, that lady refused to tell me who she was 

Adm. Well, sir, I shall set you a good example ; you won't explain, 
and so I will (aside) Now for it. (resuming their seats. Aloud) You 
alluded just now to our old engagement, that either of us were to 
marry any one he pleased. 

Lieut. K. I did, sir. {aside) What is he after 1 

Adm Well, without further preface, I am going to be married. 

Lieut. K, You, sir 1 

Adm. Have I your free consent ? 

Lieut. K. Oh, surely, sir; that was the engagement. Provided 

Adm. Don't be in a hurry; I'm coming to that. 1 remember the pro- 
viso ; and I want you to release me from it. I am going to marry a 
young woman 

Lieut. K. A young woman 1 (aside) Surely not the girl I saw in his 
room ! Oh, I see, he has got seme scent of my intention, and this is a 
pretence to try me. I must appear to consent. 

Adm Well? 

Lieut. K. Why, sir, although I had, and indeed have a very strong 
opinion upon the subject, I admit there may be a case in which partic- 
ular prejudices ought to be waived. 

Adm. Spoken like a man of sense. Tom, your voj r age has improved 
you every way. (aside) That difficulty is soon got over. 

Lieut. K. I'm glad you think so, sir. (hesitatingly) I'm going to be 
married, too, sir. 

Adm. You 1 Pooh ! nonsense ! 

Lieut. K. Fact, sir, on my honor. 

Adm. Well, with all my heart. Who is the girl 1 

Lieut. K. Sh« is not exactly a girl, sir. 

Adm. Why, you're not going to marry a boy 1 

Lieut. K. No, sir ; but it's curious enough — I was just screwing up 
my courage to ask your consent to my marrying a lady some fifteen 
years older than myself. 

Adm. Were you really ! (aside) Zounds, he can't mean the woman I 
saw in his room — Oh, no, the young rascal is shamming, just to see 
what I will say; but I'll disappoint him. (aloud) I quite agree with 
you, Tom, that there may be a case in which particular prejudices 
ought to be waived. 



ACT I.]. NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 17 

Lieut. K. Sir, you are liberal to a degree {shaking hands with him. 
Aside) I had no notion he would have given way so easily. 

Adm. And now, sir, as I have led the van in the way of explanation, 
perhaps you'll follow in the wake. Who is the lady in that room] 

Li hut. K. That is the lady, sir. 

Adm. The lady 1 Why, is there but one lady in the world 1 

Likut. K, Only one that I am going to be married to. 

Adm. Come, nonsense, nonsense ! you're joking. 

Lieut. K. I assure you, sir, I never was more serious. The lady is 
the widow of the late Col. Pontifex, and although, as I said, some fif- 
teen years older than I am, she is a very charming woman, and a most 
delightful companion. We came home in the same packet; hut I first 
met her two years ago at Gibraltar, where she was considered the. most 
attractive woman in the garrison. 

Adm. Very likely, sir ; but the most attractive woman at Gibraltar is 
sure to be superseded the moment she arrives in England. Tom, Tom, 
you're going to make a noodle of yourself. How often have I seen 
youngsters on service in the colonies commit this folly. They come 
out fresh from England, and make a joke of every woman they see; by 
degrees they grow more civil to them, until, at last, thej r select one 
from the flock for particular attention, and because she is the best there, 
they flatter themselves she must be the very best everywhere, and so 
marry, (they rise.) 

Lieut. K. Well, sir, it can't be helped now; and so, as you have no 
intention of marrying yourself, I hope you will 

Adm. What do you mean, sir 1 Didn't I tell you that I was going to 
be married ] Didn't you see the young lady in my apartments 1 

Lieut. K. (laughing). My dear sir, you can't mean to her? Why 
she must be thirty years younger than you are. 

Adm. And suppose she is ] If there must be a difference in ages, it's 
far better that the wife should be younger. 

Lieut. K. Something younger, yes ; but fifteen years older is better 
than thirty years younger. 

Adm. I disagree with you, sir. 

Lieut. K. I differ from you, sir. 

Adm. I shall have the dutiful attention of a daughter, combined with 
the affection of a wife. 

Lieut. K. While I shall find united in one person the fond wife and 
careful mother. 

Adm. Careful grandmother! jou - ll"be nicely henpecked if you marry 
that widow, depend upon it. + 

Lieut. K. Very likely, sir! and you marry that giddy girl, and 3-ou'll 
get your highly respected wig most carefully combed, I promise you. 

Adm. Your wife will never let you out of her sight. 

Lieut. K. Your wife will constantly let herself out of yours. 

Adm. You'll be wretched from morning till night. 

Lieut. K. That's my business. Yoii won't know a quiet moment. 

Adm That's mine. 

Lieut. K. Well, sir, you may break our engagement, if you will, but 
I'll never give my consent. 

Adm. Nor L 

Lieut. K. Just now you said there might be cases 

Adm. And so did you. 

Lieut K. I beg your pardon, sir; I said a case. 

Adm. And so did 1. 

Lieut. K. I was alluding to my own. 

Adm. I was alluding to my own. m 



18 NAVAL. ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT I. 

Lieut. K. Well, sir, it appears that we can't agree upon this sub- 
ject, and so we had better part. 

Adm. By all means, sir. 

Lieut. K. Good-bye then, sir. (going towards inner room, c.) 

Adm. Good bye, sir. {going toicards the outer door, l.) Pray go to 
your widow. 

Lieut. K. And you, sir — to your boarding-school miss. 

Enter at the same time, from c. d., Mrs. Pontifex, and, from outer, 
Miss Mortimer, l. 2 e. 

Miss M. (l.). My dear Admiral ! What is the matter ? 

Mrs. P. (r. a). Kingston dear ! Wbat is the matter ? 

Adm. (l. a). Let me pass, Mary. I won't stay here another minute. 

Miss M. (checking him). Nay, sir 

Lieut. K. (r.). Pray stand aside. I wish to leave the room. 

Mrs. P. (in an imploring tone). Kingston dear 

Adm. (mocking her, and aside). " Kingston dear," — she r ll make me 
sick. Come, Mary love, come ! 

Lieut. K. {aside). " Mary, love !" Well done, old gentleman. 

Mrs. P. Never mind; it's for you to give way — he's your father. 

Miss M. Consider, sir, and make some allowance for your son. 

Mrs. P. Speak to him, or he'll be gone. 

Lieut. K. Admiral. 

Adm. Well, sir 1 

Lieut. K. Don't go. 

Adm. I will. 

Lteut. K. Stop ! (coming down,.) 

Adm. I won't. 

Lieut. K. Well, sir, do as you like; (crosses to Admiral and brings 
him down) but there are ladies in the room, and I presume you won't 
like them to report that we have behaved unlike gentlemen. 

Adm. (l ). Well, sir, what do you propose? 

Lieut K. (r.). Wh) r , as it seems that an introduction must take 
place at some time or other, had not it better be done at once ] 

Adm. With all my heart. 

Miss M. Now, come, sir, that's quite right, (takes hold of his arm, 
and tries to icalk him down towards the centre ; he edges her off to side 
opposite the others) 

Lieut. K. (taking Mrs. Pontifex's hand, putting her across, and 
looking the other way). Selina ! allow me to present you to my father — 
Admiral Kingston, (she curtseys.) 

Adm. (bowing, but not looking at her). Ma'am, your most obedient! 
(turns away and looks at pictures as he introduces them) Mary, my 
love, that's my son out there — Lieutenant Kingston; Lieutenant King- 
ston, this is Miss Mary Mortimer. 

Lieut. K. (starting). My little playfellow! {running and shaking 
hands with her) How dull I was not to remember you. 

Adm. {uneasy). Mary ! 

Mrs. P. (uneasy). Kingston dear! 

Adm. That will do. 

Mrs. P. That's quite enough. (Miss Mortimer goes fo Admiral, and 
Lieut. K. to Mrs. Pontifex.) 

Lieut. K. You ladies haven't been {gets to r.) introduced to each 
other now. Miss Mortimer, allow me to introduce you to Mrs. Ponti- 
fex — my intended wife. 

Adm. Faugh ! 



ACT I 



NAVAIi ENGAGEMENTS. 19 



Lieut. K. '• Faugh," indeed ! 

Miss M. (to Mrs. P.). Take no notice of it. 

Lieut. K. (r.). Mrs. Pontifex — Miss Mary Mortimer I 

Adm. Yes, ma'am ! my intended wife ! 

Lieut. K. Absurd ! 

Miss M. (l. c). "Absurd!" 

Mrs. P. (r. c, shaking hands with Miss M.). Never mind what he 
says — I'm very happy to make your acquaintance. 

Miss M. You're very kind. 

Adm. It will be rather a short acquaintance, I suspect. 

Mrs. P. I hope not, sir. 

Adm. Then, ma'am, you had better cease to encourage my son in his 
folly. 

Mrs. P. Folly, sir 1 

Miss M. (soothing her). Don't be excited. 

Lieut. K. Come, that's pretty well, governor, considering the outrage 
that you are going to commit. 

Miss M. Outrage! Mr. Kingston? 

Mrs. P. (soothing her). Fray, be calm. 

Lieut. K. Don't call me Mr. Kingston, Maiy. 

Adm. I say, do; and don't you call her Mary. 

Mrs. P. (to Miss M.). Don't let us be annoyed whatever they say, 
and then we shall have some chance of their following a good example. 

Miss M. An excellent plan \ they may say what they like for me. 

Lieut. K. There's something perfectly ridiculous in the notion of a 
man's marrying a little chit, young enough to be his grand-daughter. 

Miss M. " Little chit," and " grand-daughter !" That is rather too 
much to bear. 

Mrs. P. Now. you promised that you Wouldn't mind anything they 
said. 

Mi>s M. Yes; but there's a medium. 

Adm. I should say it was infinitely preferable to a trumpery boy's 
marrying a woman old enough to be his grandmother. 

Mrs. P. (screaming). Ah! Who is to bear that, I should like to know 1 

Miss. M. Now you said you would. 

Mrs. P. Very likely, my dear ! but there is reason in all things. 
Kingston dear ! I shall leave the room, and I request you to come with 
me. 

Enter Short and Dexxis, d. l. 

Adm. That's the most sensible proposition I have heard yet. Mary, 
come with me. 

Miss M. (looking back at Lieut. K.). I shall have great pleasure, sir, 
in leaving the society of the rudest young man in Portsmouth. 

Lieut. K. (going to her). Nay, Mary, I had no intention 

Adm. Go away, sir. Come along, love, (as they are going out at the 
door, l. e., Short goes to Admiral with bill of fare.) 

Short. Won't yon please to order dinner, sir ? 

Adm No, sir ! (shuts door in his face.) 

Mrs. P. Come, Kingston dear, (he goes to her — Short follows Mm, 
and as they are going through the door-way.) 

Short. Won't you please to order dinner, sir? 

Lieut. K. No sir ! (.shuts c. door in his face.) 

Short. They are all mad ! {returns to door l. d., and as he is going 
out.) 

Dex. (icho has followed him). You had better order the dinner your- 
self, sir. , - 



20 NAVAIi ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT II. 

Short. No, sir ! {shuts door in his face.) 

Den. I'll not be out of the fashion any way; so I'll say something to 
myself, bounce out of the room, and bang the door in my own face. 
" Dennis !" " Sir to you !" " Will you order dinner 1" " No, sir !" 

Curtain. 



ACT II. 

SCENE I. — Same as Scene I., Act 1. — The Hall in the Fountain Inn. 

Enter, r., Dennis, cautiously. 

Den. Master, dear! botheration! the morel searches for master, the 
more I misses him. [Exit same way, r. 

Enter, l., Short. 

Short. Surely I heard that stupid fellow Dennis, calling me — why, 
there he is ; Dennis ! 

Re-enter Dennis. 

Den. And it's there you are at last, master dear ; I'd be mighty glad 
if you'd just tell me where you've been to? 

Short. Where have I been? nowhere. 

Den. By the powers ! that's just what I thought, for I've looked for 
you everywhere. 

Short. The way not to miss a person is to remain in the same place. 

Dkn. Then I won't easily miss you again, sir; for I'll not leave my 
present place in a hurry, you may depend upon it. 

Short. Well, what have you found out 1 

Den. Nothing, sir. 

Short. What did you want to tell me then ? 

Den. Why, sir, I wanted to tell you that I've got nothing to tell you ; 
ami there's some information in that. 

Short. Useful information, truly ! 

Den. Well, then, 1 declare it's no fault of mine. I'm willing to serve 
you through thick and through thin; but if you will have the doors of 
this respectable inn so amazingly thick, it's quite impossible for the 
most attentive waiter to hear what people's a-talking about on the other 
side of 'em. 

Short. The doors are thin enough ; it's your head that's too thick. 

Den. if I thought that I'd have it shaved once a day. 

Short. Neither the Admiral nor his son has said a word more about 
the horses they ordered, I believe? 

Drn. Not a word, sir ! They have both been in their rooms ever 
since, talking away like fun to their ladies ; but for all I could catch, it 
might as well have been Hebrew they were speaking. 

Short {aside). To send such a noodle as this to listen, is to risk the 
character of my house without getting any information in exchange. 
{aloud) Now, Dennis, listen to me, 

Dex Yes, sir! {going.) 

Short. Never you listen to anybody again, {seeing that he is going) 
Why don't you listen to me, you rascal 1 



ACT n.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 21 

Den. You told me not, sir ; beside, sir, listeners seldom hear any 
good of themselves. 

Shout. Go along about your business. 

Den. Ah! now, don't call it business ; you're such an elegant master 
that my business is my pleasure. 

[Short. You're a humbug. 

Den. I'd rather hear you say that than think it any day. 

Short. Now get away ; there's one of the ladies coming. 

De.v. {looking in opposite direction). So there is. sure enough ! {turns 
to go off the same way lie comes on, and encounters Miss Mortimer, r.. 
entering. Short, turning to go off, l., encounters Mrs. Pontifex en- 
tering.) 

Short. I beg your pardon, ma'am ! [Exit, l. 

Den. I ask your pardon, miss. [Exit. r. 

{The ladies approach each other, ooth seeming rather confused.) 

Mrs. P. (l., after a pause). I am happy to have met you, my dear. 
I was just coming to knock at your door and ask the favor of a few 
minutes' conversation with you. 

Miss M. (r.). How very odd ! I was seeking you, with the same object 
in view. 

Mrs. P. That's curious enough. 

Miss M. Isn't it 1 

Mrs. P. It is indeed ! 

Miss M. Very. 

Mrs. P. {after a pause). Well, my dear! what was it you were going 
to say ? 

Miss M. Upon my word, when I left my room I thought I knew ; 
but popping upon you so suddenly has put it quite out of my head. 

Mrs. P. I think I can guess ; and moreover I strongly suspect that 
our motives in seeking each other are very similar. You feel with me 
the peculiar awkwardness of the circumstances under which we have 
first met'? 

Miss M. Indeed. I do. 

Mrs. P. And you would be glad if, by laying our heads together, we 
could devise some plan to relieve that awkwardness ? 

Miss M Indeed I should. 

Mrs. P. It seems that the Admiral and his sou never had a dispute 
in their lives till now. 

Miss M. Exactly. 

Mrs. P. I must say, I think that the Admiral is a little unreasonable ; 
because, after all, I am but fifteen years older than my Kingston. 

Miss M. Well ! and I am but thirty years younuer than mine. 

Mrs. P. Yes, my dear ; but look at the difference between fifteen 
and thirty. 

Mis's M. I do ; but look at the difference between a woman and a 
man ; you know that a man ought to be a good many years older than 
his wife. 

Mrs. P. Very likely, my dear; but when you are my age you will 
have learnt that men are not always what they ought to be. 

Miss M. Why are you going to marry Lieutenant Kingston? 

Mrs. P. That is rather an abrupt question ; but it is at all events 
frank, and I will frankly answer it. We were thrown a great deal into 
each other's society at Gibraltar — he paid me so much attention; he 
became ill, and I returned that attention ; he recovered, expressed his 
wish to marry me, and I consented. 

Miss M. And do you think he still wishes to marry you 1 



22 NAVAIi ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT II. 

Mrs. P. What an odd girl you are ! Certainly I do, or I would re- 
lease him from his engagement in a moment. 

Miss M. Well, that is very good natured of you, though, I must 
say. 

Mrs. P. Now, perhaps you'll tell me why you are going to be mar- 
ried 1 

Miss M. With pleasure. I alway said I would marry an admiral ; 
and papa wishes me to marry Admiral Kingston. 

Mits. P. Well, as matters seem to be settled for both of us, the only 
rational way is to make the best of them. Now I want the father and 
the son each to release the other from his engagement, and to be friends 
as they ought. 

Miss M. I don't think the Admiral will ever forgive Tom ! 

Mrs. P. Tom ! my dear ? 

Miss M. I beg your pardon ; we were playfellows as children, and I 
have never seen him since till to-day — Lieutenant Kingston I mean. 

Mrs. P. I should say that Lieutenant Kingston has far more to com- 
plain of than his father. 

Miss M. I can't say I see that. 

Mrs. P. However, my proposition is that you shall go and endeavor to 
prevail on my intended to forgive his father; while I see whether I 
can't induce your Admiral to have some compassion for his son. 

Miss M. I'll try it, with all my heart; but he was very rude to me an 
hour ago, you remember. 

Mrs. P. My dear child, don't talk about that ; remember the Ad- 
miral's rudeness to me. 

Miss M. Well, I shall do my. best, (crossing l.) 

Mrs. P. And the best, as they say, can do no better. 

Miss M. (stopping and turning). Mrs. Pontifex. 

Mrs. P. (stopping and turning). My dear 1 

Miss M. Don't you make too much love to my fine old English Ad- 
miral, or else I shall be jealous. 

Mrs. P. I'll take care. And I say, my dear ! 

Miss M. What say you 1 
( Mrs. P. Lieutenant Kingston, if you please — not Tom. 

[Exeunt, severally, r. and l. 

SCENE II. — Same as Scene TIL, Act I. — Settee and two chairs as 

before. 

Hie Admiral discovered walking up and down. 

Adm. This is a confounded mess, and I don't see my way out of it. 
It's the first disagreement that Tom and I ever had, and I must own that 
I never felt so uncomfortable in my life, (knock at room door, e.) Come 
in. 

Enter Dennis, l. 

Den. Are you alone, sir 1 

Adm. I am, and wish to be left alone. 

Den. In course, sir. I'm a waiter, and it's my duty to attend to your 
wishes ; but by the same token it's my duty to attend to everybody's 
wishes ; and a lady has sent me to j r ou with a message. 

Adm. I'm sorry it's not a gentleman, for I feel monstrously inclined 
to shoot somebody. 

Dkn. It would shuit the lady if you could see her now, sir ! 

Adm. Who is she 1 



ACT D.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 23 

Den. Why, sir, you see some names is hard to remember easily ; but 
I should say the lady's name is Mrs. Halifax, or Paddywhacks. 

Adm. Don't you think it was Mrs. Pontifex 1 

])en. I don't think at all about it, sir, because I'm sure of it. 

Adm. Beg her to walk in. 

Den. (aside). "Beg her to walk in !" I wonder did he think she was 
going to ride in 1 (Exit, l. 

Adm. What the deuce can she have to say to me ! 

Re-enter Dennis, h ^conducting Mrs. Pontifex. 

Den. (announcing'), Mrs. , that lady, sir? 

Adm. Leave the room, sir. (Exit Dennis, l.) Madam, once more your 
most obedient. Permit me to offer you a chair, (places one for her l., 
and another for himself at a distance from it.) 

Mrs. P. (l.). We have been introduced to each other, Admiral 
Kingston, under circumstances of a very unpromising nature. 

Adm. (r.). Most unpromising, ma'am ; most unpromising. 

Mrs. P. It would give me the sincerest pleasure if, by any means in 
my power. I could set matters straight between you and your son. 

Adm. I dare say it would, ma'am. I can easily understand that. 

Mrs. P. Will you be candid enough to tell me exactly what you 
mean 1 

Adm. Why, ma'am, as I am speaking to a lady, I would rather leave 
my meaning to her own penetration ; but this is no time for overstrained 
delicacy. 

Mrs. P. On that point, sir, at all events, you will find that we are 
agreed. 

Adm. Well, then, ma'am, to be plain with you, I can easily under- 
stand your readiness to set matters straight between me and my son ; 
because your so doing would lead to your marriage with a good-looking, 
good-for-nothing, gentlemanly young rascal; with the Queen's commis- 
sion to his back, and the prospect of a fine fortune in his front. 

Mrs. P. Self-interest, then, you consider to be my only motive "? 

Adm. Why, ma'am — to pursue the candid line — I imagine there can't 
be any violent love on either side when the gentleman is only five-and- 
twenty, and the lady is 

Mrs. P. Turned of forty, sir! Don't hesitate, we are pursuing the 
" candid" line, you know. 

Adm. Madam, I must own that you have anticipated me. 

Mrs. P. And I shall beg leave to do so again, sir, for I see that you 
want my assistance. There is a native warmth — a kindness — about your 
heart sadly at variance with the tone of severity which you are endeav- 
oring to assume towards me. 

Adm. (forgetting himself). Ma'am, you are very good, [recovering his 
tone) but you are very much mistaken ; I have by no means a kind 
heart. In short, you can't possibly know anything abmit my heart. 

Mrs. P. Why, sir, I have listened to its praises from your son for 
hours together. 

Adm. (aside). Bless his heart ! bless his heart, (aloud) It would have 
been much better if you had never listened to anything my son said. 

Mrs. P. You are of opinion that I have entrapped your son into a 
promise of marriage solely because I hoped to share the fortune he ex- 
pects from you 

Adm. Madam, you have said it. 

Mrs. P. You think that I have no real regard for his happiness ; but 



24 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT II. 

that I would force myself, at the price of that into connection with an 
ancient and honorable family 

Adm, I never contradict a lady. 

Mrs. P. In this case you would 'have done her better justice if you 
had. 

Adm. Can you make that appear ? 

Mrs. P. With the greatest ease. I came here in the hope of inducing 
you to consent to a marriage which your son had, to use the mildest 
term, persuaded himself, would make him happy. From that son's 
description of you I had expected to find you kind 

Adm Ah ! 

Mrs. P. Affectionate 

Adm. Ah ! 

Mrs. P. And generous. 

Adm. Ah ! 

Mrs. P. Instead of which it seems you are harsh 

Adm. Ma'am ! 

Mrs. P. Unfeeling 

Adm. Ma'am ! 

Mrs P. And unrelenting. 

Adm. Ma'am ! 

Mrs. P. We are pursuing the "candid" line, you know, sir, by 
agreement. 

Adm. Yes, madam, but you needn't cross the line. 

Mrs. P. Well, sir, to prove to you, at all events, that you have done 
me injustice; to show you that I have a real feeling for your son, and 
none for his fortune, I am willing to make a great sacrifice. 

Adm. What ! to take the bo} r with half his money, I suppose. 

Mrs. P. No, sir ; I resign all pretensions to his money. 

Adm. (drawing his chair nearer to her). What's that you say, madam ? 

Mrs. P. And, rather than prolong an unhappy difference between a 
hard-hearted father and a persecuted son, I also resign all pretensions 
to his hand, and release him from his engagement. 

Adm. {drawing his chair quite close to her). Would it be too much 
trouble to say that again 1 

Mrs. P. Not at all, sir. Rather than prolong an unhappy difference 
between a hard-hearted 

Adm. (interrupting). I don't mean that part. 

Mrs. P. I resign all pretensions to his hand, and release him from 
his engagement. 

Adm. Ma'am, you are a most extraordinary woman. 

Mrs. P. I am glad you think so ; (rising) and now 

Adm. No, no — sit down, sit down, pray. It is just possible that you 
may have done me some injustice: so sit down, pray, (she sits) My 
dear madam, you have surprised me, my dear Mrs. Pontifex, I may say 
you have astounded me ; and, although you have called me harsh, un- 
feeling and unrelenting, I do assure you that I am not actually deserv- 
ing of either of those epithets. I'm not easily driven, but I don't like 
being outdone upon a point of generosity ; I won't accept this resigna- 
tion of yours until I know more about the matter. I'm not a stock, nor 
a stone ; I love my son ; you think I don't, but I do — I love that boy 
dearer than my life ; yes, madam, dearer than my life, hard-hearted as 
I am ; and, sooner than see him wretched, I'll consent to his marriage, 
forego my own, and jump into the sea. {rises.) 

Mrs. P. And now, my dear sir, I beg you to forgive all that I have 
said ; for you are indeed the kind, good, liberal and warm-hearted 
being your son has always described you to be. 



ACT IT.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 25 

A dm. That boy is a boy of ten thousand, ma'am. 
Mas. P. He is indeed 5 and, such being the case, you will give him 
your hand, won't you 1 and bid him forget the momentary unpleasant- 
ness that has passed. 

Adm. Ma am! my hand shall beat his service for two purpose : I'll 
first box the young rascal's ears for being impertinent to his father, and 
then I 11 give him such a grip of friendship as a British sailor has ever 
ready for his late enemy upon the proclamation of peace. 
Mrs. P. This is indeed ehanuirig; shall we go to him I 
Adm. (taking her hand). Not yet ! Now, don't be in such a hurry — I 
want to talk with you a little more — you must know that I am getting 
quite fond of you. 

Mrs. P. I'm sure, sir, I am very much flattered. 
Adm Not at all, not all ; it is your own merit — your "own attrac- 
tions which have in so short a time converted an antipathy into a predi- 
lection. 

Mrs. P. I'm quite delighted, sir. 
Adm Tom loves you, I suppose'? 
Mrs. P. I believe he does. 

Adm. I don't wonder at it; he would be a precious fool, and very 
unlike his father, if he didn't. You mustn't be annoyed with me for 
my frankness, but I tell you very plainly that I never was so taken 
with any lady upon a first acquaintance in my life. 

Mrs P. Annoyed, my dear sir 1 Why, to please you is the first wish 
of my heart. 

Adm. You don't say so 1 
Mrs. P. Next to that of pleasing your son. 

Adm Ah ! hang that Tom ! those sons are always in one's way ; 
well, well, say no more about it— lie's a lucky dog — but you're too old 
for him — you are indeed. 

Mrs. P. Don't say anything about that, sir. 

Adm. My dear, 1 must — candor — you know — candor — you're a charm- 
ing woman — but, by George, you're too old to marry Tom. 

Mrs. P. I suspect that I am*not the only person in the room who is 

about to marry one much younger than 

Adm. Now, don't mention that. 
Mrs. P. Candor — you know, sir — candor. 

Adm. Now. pray don't — I confess my folly — I don't know how it came 
about — I almost wish, for her sake, that it had not come about— she's a 
dear, good girl. « 

Mrs. P. You would say so again, if you knew all. 
Adm. All — what is that 1 

Mrs. P. She is at this moment, I bplieve, with your son. 
Adm. With my son 1 What the devil for 1 

Mrs. For the same purpose that 1 came to you — to reconcile you to 
each other; as I have prospered so well, the work is more than half 
done, (going.) 

Adm. Don't let us go just yet. 

Mrs. P. Nay, sir ! Why delay, when good is to be done 1 
Adm I don't know — I'm in no hurry ; that's all I know — but it shall 
be as you wish — everything shall be as you wish. 
Mrs. P. (going). I'll lead the way then. 
Adm. Nay, my dear ! let me offer you an arm. 

Mas. P. Oh ! with pleasure, (takes it. Walking across the stage 
with her.) 

Adm. (stopping). I wish that dear little girl that I'm going to make a 
noodle of myself with were your age instead of her own. 



26 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT II. 

Mrs. P. It would be better, I mast admit. 

Adm. And I can't help wishing, for your sake and Tom's, that you 
were of her age, instead of your own. 

Mrs. P. That would be better also, I admit. 

Adm. You are as candid as you are handsome. 

Mrs. P. My dear Admiral ! 

Adm. My dear madam ! [Exeunt, l. 

SCENE III. — Same as Scene IT., Act I. — Set asbefore. 
Enter Lieutenant Kingston, c. 

Lieut. K. This is a pretty business ! and what to do, I haven't the 
most distant idea. My father won't give me his consent, that seems 
very clear ; what on earth does he mean to do 1 Where the deuce is 
Mrs. Pontifex gone to 1 and what the devil do yon want 1 [to Dennis, 
who knocks and enters, l.) 

Den. 1 want you, sir — that is to say — no, sir ! it isn't me exactly, that 
wants you, but it's another lady outside. 

Lieut. K. What lady 1 

Den. The young lady, sir, that was with the old gentleman. 

Lieut. K. Miss Mortimer? 

Den. I believe that's her Christian name, sir. 

Likut. K. Did you say I was here? 

Den. I said I didn't know whether you was or not, sir, but I'd ask you. 

Lieut. K. Show her in. 

Den. I will, sir. [Exit, l. 

Lieut. K. What's in the wind now, I wonder ? 

Re-enter Dennis, l., conducting Miss Mortimer. 

Den. The lady, sir. 

Lieut. K. Dennis ! 

Den. Coming sir. 

Lieut. K. Leave the room. 

Den. Going, sir. [Exit. 

Lieut. K. Won't you sit down 1 (moves settee down to c.) 

Miss M. Thank you ! {sits at the extreme end of the settee) I wish for 
a few minutes' conversation with you. Perhaps, you will sit down also 1 

Lieut. K. (l.). If you wish it — certainly, {sits at opposite extreme 
end.) 

Miss M. (l.). We parted children ; we meet again under very pecu- 
liar circumstances. 

Lieut. K. Verv, indeed, madam ! 

Miss M. ' : Madam V 

Lieut. K. Certainly ! one must practice respect to one's mother 3 r ou 
know. 

Miss M. True; I forgot; it is very distressing tome to have wit- 
nessed the first disagreement you ever had with your father, and to feel 
that I am in some measure the cause of it. 

Lieut. K. {getting a little nearer to her, and as he speaks she gets a 
little nearer to him). Your sentiments do equal honor to your head and 
heart, madam, {they both get back to their places.) 

Miss M. I am truly glad you think so ; I am most anxious to see you 
reconciled to each other, and if you retain those quick and gmerous 
feelings which used to actuate you as a boy, {during this they again 



ACT II.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 27 

approach each other') I am sure that you will readily assist me Sir 1 

{they both get back to their places,) 
Lieut. K. Yes, madam. 

Miss M. Now that your first surprise is over at finding that I am go- 
ing to be married to your father, I should like you to tell me candidly 
what you think of me. 

Lieut. K. I think you so altered, that it is no wonder I did not rec- 
ognize you. I think you more beautiful than I ever dreamt you would 
grow up to be ! 

Miss M. I didn't mean that. 

Lieut. K. But /did though — {checking himself ) ma'am. 

Miss M. I want to know what you think of marrying the Admiral 1 

Lieut. K. I think it is one of the most preposterous things I ever 
Jteard in my life. I think I have got a very silly old man for a father, 
and that I am going to have — with the greatest respect — a noodle for a 
mother. 

Miss M. Sir, you are very polite ! 

Lieut. K. Well, I can't help it ; for upon my soul, Mary — ma'am I 
mean — it's too ridiculous. 

Miss M. You look through a glass of great magnifying power at 
other people's faults, and reverse it to peep at your own. 

Leut. K. That's, a very fine speech, I dare say; but I don't exactly 
perceive the application of it. 

Miss M. No ! Why, what do you imagine people will say about your 
marrying old Mrs. Pontifex 1 

Lieuj'. K. (getting up and loalking about). Hollo! am I going to be 
laughed at ? I can't bear that — and I won't bear it — and so you may 
tell people. If the men laugh at me, they must take the consequence ; 
and if the women laugh at me I'll shoot their husbands, sons, brothers, 
fathers, and uncles. 

Miss M. Dear me ! Why, one would think you were the whole navy 
of England, instead of only a lieutenant in it. 

Lieut. K. I won't bear it, I'm determined ! 

Miss M. Well, well ; sit down, pretty dear — sit down upon the same 
sofa with its ma — and it shan't be laughed at. 

Lieut. K. (sitting down). Now don't, Mary — don't, ma'am. If there is 
one thing that I hate more than another, it is ridicule; deserved or not, 
I feel just the same. 

Miss M. It is a pity that one so sensitive should have exposed him- 
self to it; but I won't say any more about it. If I have vexed you, for- 
give me. (offers her hand, ) 

Lieut. K. (getting close to her, and taking her hand). Oh, madam ! 
— D — n madam! 1 can't say it anymore, and I won't! — Oh, Mary, 
now you are, indeed, like the frank and affectionate child I once knew 
you. 

Miss M. You mustn't call me Mary, Tom. 

Lieut. K. Not when you call me Tom 1 

Miss M. Did I call you Tom 1 1 beg your pardon. 

Lieut. K. Don't apologize. It puts me in mind of old times. 

Miss M. Do you know where Mrs. Pontifex is? 

Lieut. K. Never mind her just now. 

Miss M. Oh, but I must ; she's with the Admiral. 

Lieut. K. What! are you jealous ? 

Miss M. Not the least. Are you? 

Lieut. K. No ! 

Miss M. She seems to me to be a very delightful woman. 

Lieut. K. So she is — so she is! Oh, that she is! I certainly wish, 



28 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. f ACT II. 

for her sake, that she was something nearer my own age — yours, now, 
for instance. 

Miss M. I'm afraid that wish will grow upon you. 

Lieut. K. What is she oone to the Admiral for ? 

Miss M. To ask him to consent to your marriage ! and I came to ask 
you to consent to his. 

Lieut. K I can't do it. It goes against my conscience, (rises.) 

Miss M. {rising). You must!, you must indeed! 

Lieut. K. I cannot — I feel that I cannot. 

Miss M. That which must be must be; why then should you refuse 
to make the best of it ? Come, Lieutenant Kingston, for my sake — 
come — Tom — for Mary's sake, consent. 

Lieut. K. For your sake, Mary, 1 will consent to anything. 

Miss M. (rising). Come with me then, at once, and let me see you on 
your old terms with your father. 

Likut. K. Not this moment; there's no such absolute hurry. I think 
I have consented too soon. Mary, sit down and persuade me again. 

Miss M. No, no ! it must not be; and you must leave off calling me 
Mary. 

Lieut. K. Well, if it must be so, for the the last time, at least, Mary, 
take my arm. 

Miss M. Will you hold your tongue about Mary, Mr. Tom ? (takes 7tis 
arm, and is going forwards, l. d. Miter Admikal, with Mrs. Pontifex 
leaning on his arm. The others separate hastily and in confusion.) 

Adm. I thought I informed you, sir, that I was about to be married 
to that lady 1 

Lieut. K. You did, sir. 

Adm. And under those circumstances do you think it proper or de- 
cent that I should find that lady flaunting about with her arm through 
yours ? Look at me, sir, and answer me ! 

Lieut K (r.). I am looking at you, sir. 

Adm. (l.). Well, sir ! 

Lieut. K. And I want to know whether you think it proper or decent 
that 1 should find that lady flaunting about with her arm through 
yours ? 

Am. Pooh ! pooh ! nonsense — you foolish monkey ! you're not going 
to be jealous of your father 1 

Mrs. P. (l. c, io Admiral). Now — my dear sir 

Lieut. K. Why not, when you are jealous of your son ? 

Miss M. (r. c, to Lieut. K.). Now be calm. 

Adm. The fact is, sir, that 1 am particularly pleased with this lady. 

Lieut. K. Sir, you do me great honor. 

Adm. She has done you great honor in condescending to care about 
such a — such — a 

Miss M. Very agreeable young man as Lieutenant Kingston, R. N. 

Adm. Oh, what ! he has been doing the agreeable to you, has he ? 

Miss M. The fact is, sir, that I am particularly pleased with this 
gentleman. 

Mrs. P. Kingston dear ! what have you been saying to Miss Mor- 
timer 1 

Lieut. K. I have only been endeavoring to make myself acceptable 
to my future — ahem ! — mother-in-law. 

Adm. (aside). Confound the word — how ridiculous it sounds in his 
mouth ! 

Mrs. P. My dear Miss Mortimer, you remember, no doubt, the terms 
of our agreement, and the objects for which we undertook to see the 
dear Admiral and his son ? 






ACT H.] NAVAIi ENGAGEMENTS. 29 

Miss M. {aside). The dear Admiral ! {aloud) Perfectly — you were to 
obtain a release for his son from the " dear Admiral," and I was to ob- 
tain a release for the Admiral from " Kingston dear !" 

Mrs. P. {aside). Kingston dear! 

Miss M. {aside). She doesn't seem to like it herself. 

Mrs. P. Have you succeeded 1 

Miss M. Ask him. 

Lieut. K. I have promised to obey her wishes in all things. 

Mrs. P. {aside). Indeed ! 

Miss M. Have you succeeded 1 

Mrs. P. I refer you to the Admiral himself. 

Adm. I must own that I strongly incline to comply with any request 
of this lady's. 

Miss M. {aside). Really! 

Mrs. P. Our course, then, is obvious. We have been the uninten- 
tion cause of the first difference between a worthy father and an excel- 
lent son. In the peculiar circumstances under which we are about to 
become members of that family, it is our first duty to remove that dif- 
ference. The goodness of both their hearts has been shown in the 
readiness with which they have listened to our pacific overtures, and l 
now call upon you, Kingston dear, to extend that hand which your 
father is eager to receive in his. 

Lieut. K. {running to Ids father). My dear sir ! 

Adm. (l ). My dear boy. 

Lieut. K. (l. a). I'm heartily sorry, sir, that we should have dis- 
agreed for a moment. 

Adm. You can't be more sorry than I am, my boy, nor more glad 
that the little squall has passed over. 

Miss M. I am delighted to see you again as you should be. 

Mrs. P. And so am I ! 

Adm. {shaking hands with Mrs. P.). I'm sure you are — worthy, excel- 
lent creature, I'm sure you are! 

Lieut. K. {shaking hands icith Miss M.). I'm sure you are — charm- 
ing, delightful creature — I'm sure you are ! 

Adm. There — that will do. Tom; now come hither, I want to speak 
to yon. You ladies will excuse us for two minutes, I'm sure 1 

Miss M. Oh ! certainly, sir. 

Mrs. P. Come, lovej (Miss Mortimer takes her arm, and they re- 
tire up st-: , looking over prints, etc., at table, r.) 

Adm. I ..y, Tom 

Lieut. )i. Yes, sir. 

Adm. Tom, 1 say. 

Lieut. K. Yes, sir. 

Adm. {bawling). D — n it, sir ! I say, Tom ! 

Lieut. K. Aye — aye, sir. 

Adm. That's the way to answer me — that sounds like old times. Are 
you in good humor 1 

Lieut. K. Never better, sir. 

Adm. That's right. 

Lieut. K. Will you allow me to hope that the serenity of your mind 
is perfectly re-established 1 

Adm. Perfectly. Now look here — {coaxingly) What the deuce could 
ever make you think of marrying a woman fifteen years older than 
yourself 1 

Lieut. K. What the deuce could ever make you think of marrying a 
girl thirty year.-.; younger than yourself? 



30 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT II. 

Adm. T tell you what, Master Tom, you have contracted a vile habit 
of meeting a question with a question. 

Lieut. K. I don't wish to annoy you, sir. 

Adm. I didn't say you annoyed me, sir; I said it was a vile habit, 
and so it is. Come— come, let me see you return to your senses, and 
renounce this silly match. 

Lieut. K. Silly match, sir — silly match 1 

Adm. Now, you said you were in a good humor. 

Lieut. K. So I am, sir — go on — say what you like. I'll take it all in 
good part. 

Adm. Now own that's a silly match — ha, ha ! 

Lieut. K. Anything you please, sir — ha, ha ! 

Adm. Just fancy you and your wife twenty years hence — you still a 
young man, with straight back and elastic gait, walking — thus : {cross- 
ing, r.. and back, l.) and she, with stooping shoulders and half-palsied 
head, toddling by your side — thits : {laughing) Tom ! Torn ! it's too 
idiculous. People should marry those of their own age. I always told 
you so. 

Lieut. K. {with a forced laugh). The picture you have drawn, sir, is 
funny enough, I must own. Attend one moment, while I sketch another. 
"When a certain young lady shall have reached the age of forty she will 
still retain her firm step and handsome features, and will walk along, 
the admired of all beholders — thus: {crosses, l., and back, r.) while a 
certain Admiral, then turned of seventy, with one hand on his stick and 
t'other behind his back, will keep up with her as best he may — thus : 
Sir, sir ! it's too ridiculous ! People should marry those of their own 
age. I always told you so. 

Adm. (l.). Or, if there is a difference, the man should be the older. 

Lieut. K. (u.). Well, sir, it's of no use to talk; the thing is settled, 
and you have consented. 

Adm. (l ). So have you, if you come to that. 

Lieut. K. (r.). I don't consider that I have done any such thing. 

Adm. Nor I neither, 

Lieut. K. Do you mean to deny your words, sir 1 

Adm. Can I do better than follow your excellent example, sir 1 

Lieut. K. Very well, sir, then there seems no chance of our agree- 
ing. 

Adm. Not the slightest, {they flounce from each other, and turn up 
the stage. Mrs. P. and Miss M. at same time come down centre.) 

Miss M. (r.). Now here is a pretty business — they have quarrelled 
again ! 

Mrs. P. Oh, it's quite shocking, my dear ! 

Miss M. Much good you seem to have done by your interference ! 

Mrs. P. Come ! I have done ss much as you have, at all events ! 

Miss M. You pretended that the Admiral had consented 

Mrs. P. " Pretended !" Miss Mortimer ; pray be a little more guarded 
in your expressions 

Miss M. /suspect you have not said half a dozen words to him on 
the subject. 

Mrs. P. A line out of a copy-book, Miss Mortimer. 

Miss M. What's that, pray 1 

Mrs. P. " Suspicion ever haunts the guilty mind." 

Miss M. Another. 

Mrs. P. What? 

Miss M. " Old age is querulous." 

Mrs. P. " Saucy girls are very rude/' 

Miss M. Widow Pontifex, vou are insultin?. 



ACT n.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 31 

Mrs. P. Spinster Mortimer, ditto, {they flounce up centre of stage. 
Admiral and Lieutenant come down at the two sides at same time.) 

Adm. (aside). Dear me ! dear me ! the ladies are quarreling now. 

Lieut. K. (r., aside). If the women get to loggerheads, there's an end 
of every tiling ! (by this time the ladies have returned — Mrs. Fontifex 
on the side of Lieut. K., and Miss Mortimer on the side of the Ad- 
miral.) 

Adm. (to Miss M.). My dear child, I'm sorry to see this. 

Miss M. Don't call me child, sir; if I'm to marry a man as old as 
you are, I won't be called a child, at all events. 

Adm. (l). Very well, miss. 

Miss M. (l. a). Don't call me miss. 

Adm. For shame, my dear. 

Miss M. Don't call me, my dear. 

Adm. (aside). Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! what have I undertaken ? 

Lieut K. (r., to Mrs. P.). I'm really quite vexed, Mrs. Pontifex. 

Mrs. P. (r. a). Don't Mrs. Pontifex me, sir. 

Lieut. K. Is this the temper which I thought so perfect 1 

Mrs. P. Your obstinacy is enough to spoil any temper in the world. 

Lieut. K. You are many years older than I am, and ought to set a 
better example. 

Mrs. P. That's right, sir ! insult me because I was born before you ; 
but I needn't wonder at anything you do, after the manner in which 
you have behaved to your worthy and excellentfather there. 

Adm. Madam, I am very much obliged to you. 

Miss M. For abusing your son ! that's good taste, at all events ! I'm 
sure a better young man never existed. 

Lieut. K. That's very kind of you, Mary. 

Mrs. P. If you had a proper respect for your father, you would give 
way to him in everything. 

Lieut. K. I have the highest possible respect for my father ; but he 
shall never marry that girl, if I can help it. 

Miss M. A truly affectionate father would overlook a trifling defect 
in so admirable a son. 

Adm. I love my son, Miss Mortimer, as a father ought; but d n 

me if I consent to his marriage with that lady. And now as we seem 
at any rate to understand one another about a misunderstanding, 
nothing remains for me but to order my carriage and go home. Here, 
waiter! 

Lieut. K. Stay, sir ! as I know not when or under what circum- 
stances we may meet again, I crave your permission to take a proper 
and respectful leave of my future mother-in-law. 

Adm. Be it so ! Mary, take leave of my son ; and you, madam, as 
there is no difference between us, will perhaps not refuse my parting 
good wishes. (Mrs. Pontifex goes to Admiral and Miss Mortimer to 
Lieut. K.) 

Miss M. (r. c). It's very disagreeable to part again, just as we have 
met after so many years of absence. 

Lieut. K. (r:). It makes me wretched to think of it. 

Adm. (l.). Believe me, Mrs. Pontifex, I part with the greatest reluctance 
from a lady for whom a very short acquaintance has given me the most 
sincere esteem and regard. 

Mrs. P. (l. c). I assure you, my dear sir, the regret is mutual. 

Adm. Farewell, then, madam, (taking her hand.) 

Mrs. P. Farewell, sir. 

Lieut. K. (taking Miss Mortimer's hand). Farewell, old playfellow. 

Miss M. Farewell ! 



32 NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. [ACT H. 

Adm. I presume you are to be my daughter-in-law, and I therefore 
offer you a father's blessing, {kissing her forehead.) 

Lieut. K. Mother-in-law, accept my dutiful regrets at leaving you. 
(kisses her forehead.) 

Adm. Once more, adieu ! (takes Mrs. Pontifex in his arms.) 

Lieut. K. Mary ! 

Miss M. Tom ! (he takes her in his arms.) 

Adm. (looking over Mrs. Pontifex's shoulder). Lieutenant King- 
ston ! 

Lieut. K. (looking over Miss Mortimer's shoulder). Sir! 

Adm. What the devil are you about, sir ? 

Lieut. K. What are you about, sir] 

Adm. Sir, I hardly know ! 

Lieut. K. A thought strikes me 

Adm. What is it 1 

Lieut. K. Do you find yourself comfortable 1 

Adm. Very. 

Lieut. K. So I do ; then suppose we change wives, and remain as we 
are. 

Adm. It's all in the family, ma'am ; what say you ? 

Mrs. P. My dear sir, I told you that the first wish of my heart was 
to please your son ; oy next to please you. I see that his happiness is 
concerned, and I consent at once. 

Lieut. K. My dear Mrs. Pontifex, what shall /say to you 1 ? 

Mrs. P. Say, " thank you, mamma," and be a good boy for the future. 

Lieut. K. My Mary won't object. 

Miss M. Well, I don't know that I shall. 
' Adm. Why, Miss Mary ! what has become of your resolution to 
marry an admiral % Have you forgotten Duncan, Nelson, Howe and 
Jarvis 1 

Miss M. (giving her hand to Lieut. K.). They were all lieutenants 
once, sir. 

Adm. Come, then, let us all shake hands upon this new bargain. 

Miss M. (giving her hand to Mrs. P.). Forgive my cross question. 

Mrs. P. Forgive my crooked answer. 

Adm. Tom, my boy, I'll make this lady as good a husband as I can. 

Mrs. P. And this lady will be happy to be the means of restoring 
harmony between a good father and son whom she will never cease to 
regard. 

Adm. Mary ! 

Miss M. Aye, aye, sir. 

Adm. I have resigned the command of you to my first leutenant there. 

Miss M. Sir, I shall do my best to obey his orders. 

Adm. After all, there's nothing like sticking to the rules of the ser- 
vice ; you are scarcely more than a twenty gun vessel and have no right 
to be commanded by an admiral; and now ring the bell. (Lieut. K. 
rings.) 

Lieut. K. I, say sir, don't you agree with me that people should 
marry those of a suitable age 1 

Adm. /always said so ! 

Lieut. K. You did, and so did I ! 

Adm. That you did, I must admit. „ 

.Lieut. K. embraces Miss Mortimer, — Admiral embraces Mrs. Ponti- 
1-ex. Short and Dennis enters l. at same moment, and stare with 
astonishment. 



ACT II.] NAVAL ENGAGEMENTS. 33 

Den. (to Short). As they say in a sharp frost, it's fine embracing 
weather, sir ! 

Adm. Landlord ! 

Short, (advancing d.). Dinner is quite ready, sir. 

Adm. Why, I didn't order it! 

Short. No, sir — but I somehow felt sure you would want it. 

Adm. Well, as it happens, we do — and so, the battle being over, the 
crew shall go to dinner. Let me, however first hope to obtain an ac- 
knowledgment that there is no exception to the golden rule (Britannia's 
rule), that "Naval Engagements," led by a British Admiral, and 
backed by British hands, must prove successful. 

Disposition of the Characters. 

Short. Dennis. 

Lieut. K. Miss M. Mrs. P. Admiral. 

r. L. 

CURTAIN. 



DE WITT'S 

ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA, 



" Let those laugh now who never laughed before, 
And those who always laughed now laugh the more.'" 

Nothing so thorough and complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramas 
has ever been printed as those that appear in the following list. Not only are the 
plots excellent, the characters droll, the incidents funny, the language humorous, 
but all the situations, by-play, positions, pantomimic business, scener} r , and tricks 
are so plainly set down and clearly explained, that the merest novice could put 
any of them on the stage. Included in this catalogue are all the most laughable 
and effective pieces of their class ever produced. 

#** In ordering, please copy the figures at the commencement of each play, 
which indicate the number of the piece in " De Witt's Ethiopian and Comic 
Drama.'" 

fW" Any of the following plays sent, postage free, on receipt of price— 
15 Cents Each. Address, 

' CLINTOK T. DE WITT, 

No. 33 Rose Street, New York. 



%W The figures in the columns indicate the number of characters — M. male, 
F. female. 



NO. . M. F. 

73. African Box, burlesque, 2 scene 5 

107. Africanus Bluebeard, musical 

Ethiopian burlesque 6 2 

43. Baby Elephant, sketch, 2 scene 7 1 
79. Barney's Courtship, musical 

interlude, 1 act 1 1 

42. Bad Whiskey, sketch. 1 scene. 2 1 
6. Black Chap from Whitechapel, 

negro piece 4 

10. Black Chemist, sketch, 1 scene 3 

11. Black-ey'd William, sketch, 2 

scenes 4 1 

40. Big Mistake, sketch, 1 scene ..40 
78. Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 2 
89. Bogus Talking Machines (The) 

farce, 1 scene 4 

24. Bruised and Cured, sketch, 1 

scene 2 

108. Charge of the Hash Brigade, 

Irish musical sketch 2 2 

35. Coal" Heaver's Revenge, negro 

sketch, 1 scene 6 

41. Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes... 8 1 

12. Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene 3 
53. Damon and Pythias, burlesque, 

2 scenes 5 1 

63. Darkey's Stratagem, 1 act — 3 1 

110. De Black Magician, Ethiopian 

comicality, 1 scene 4 2 

111. Deeds of Darkness, Ethiopian 

extravaganza. 1 act 6 1 

50. Draft (The), sketch, 1 act 6 

64- Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene ... 4 1 



No. m. F. 

95. Dutch Justice, sketch, 1 scene 11 

67. Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 see. 6 
4. Eh ? What is It ? sketch 4 1 

98. Elopement (The), farce, 1 scene 4 1 
52. Excise Trials, sketch, 1 scene. 10 1 
25. Fehow that Looks Like Me, in- 
terlude, 1 scene .... 2 1 

51. Fisherman's Luck, 1 scene 2 

88. First Night (The), Dutch farce, 

1 act 4 2 

106. Gambrinus, King of Lager 
Beer, Ethiopian burlesque, 2 

scenes 8 1 

83. German Emigrant (The), sketch 

1 scene 2 2 

77. Getting Square on the Call Boy, 

sketch, 1 scene 3 o 

17. Ghost (The), sketch, 1 act .... 2 

58. Ghost in a Pawnshop, 1 scene. 4 

31. Glycerine Oil, sketch 3 

20. Going for the Cup, interlude.. 4 

82. Good Night's Rest, 1 scene. . . 3 

86. Gripsack, sketch, 1 scene...... 3 

70. Guide to the Stage, sketch ... 3 

61. Happy Couple, '1 scene 2 1 

23. Hard Times, extravaganza, 1 

scene 5 1 

3. Hemmed In, sketch 3 1 

48. High Jack, the Heeler, 1 scene 6 

68. Hippotheatron, sketch 9 

71. In and Out, sketch, 1 scene... 2 

33. Jealous Husband, sketch 2 1 

94. Julius, the Snoozer, 3 scenes.. 7 



DS WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA (Continued). 



No. M. F. 

103. Katrina's Little Game, Dutch 

act, 1 scene 1 2 

1. Last of the Mohicans, sketch.. 3 1 

36. Laughing Gas, sketch. 1 scene. 6 1 

18. Live Injun, sketch, 4 scenes. .. 4 1 
GO. Lost Will, sketch 4 

37. Lucky Job, farce, 2 scenes 3 2 

90. Lunatic (The), farce, 1 scene.. 3 
109. Making a Hit, farce, 2 scenes.. 4 

19. Malicious Trespass. 1 scene.... 3 
96. Midnight Intruder (The), farce, 

1 scene 6 1 

101. Mollie Moriarty, Irish music- 
al sketch, 1 scene 1 1 

8. Mutton Trial, sketch, 2 scenes 4 

44. Musical Servant, sketch, 1 see. 3 
49. Night in a Strange Hotel, 

sketch. 1 scene 2 

22. Obeying Orders, sketch 1 scene 2 1 

27. One Hundredth Night of Ham- 

let, sketch 7 1 

30. One Night in a Barroom, 

sketch 7 

76. One, Two, Three, 1 scene 7 

87. Pete and the Peddler, Negro 

and Irish sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

9. Policy Players, sketch, 1 scene 7 
57. Pompey's Patients, interlude, 

2 scenes 6 

65. Porter's Troubles, 1 scene 6 1 

66. Port Wine vs. Jealousy, sketch 2 1 

91. Painter's Apprentice (The), 

farce, 1 scene — 5 C 

92. Polar Bear (The), 1 scene. .. f . 4 1 
14. Recruiting Office, sketch, 1 act. 5 

45. Remittance from Home, 

sketch, 1 scene 6 

105. Rehearsal (The), Irish farce, 2 

scenes.. 4 2 

55. Rigging a Purchase, sketch, 1 

scene 3 

81. Rival Artists, sketch, 1 scene. 3 

26 Rival Tenants, sketch 4 

, 15. Sam's Courtship, farce, 1 act.. 2 1 

59. Sausage Makers, 2 scenes 5 1 

80. Scenes on the Mississippi, 

2 scenes 6 

21. Scampini, pantomime, 2 scenes 6 3 

84. Serenade(The), sketch,2 scenes 7 

38. Siamese Twins, 2 scenes 5 

74. Sleep Walker, sketch, 2 scenes 3 

46. Slippery Day, sketch, 1 scene. 6 1 
69. Squire for a Day, sketch 5 1 

56. Stage-struck Couple, 1 scene.. 2 1 
72. Stranger, burlesque, 1 scene... 1 2 

and 2 children. 

7. Stupid Servant, sketch, 1 scene 2 

13. Streets of New York, 1 scene . 6 

16. Storming the Fort, 1 scene 5 

47. Take it,"Don't Take It, 1 scene 2 
54. Them Papers, sketch, 1 scene. 3 

100. Three Chiefs (The). 2 scenes ..60 

102. Three A. M., sketch, 2 scenes. 3 1 
34. Three Strings to One Bow, 

sketch, 1 scene 4 1 

2. Tricks, sketch 5 2 

104. Two Awf uls (The), 1 scene.-.. 5 

5. Two Black Roses, sketch 4 1 

28. Uncle Eph's Dream, 2 scenes.. 3 1 
62. Vinegar Bitters, sketch, 1 scene 6 1 
32. Wake Up, William Henry. . . . 3 i 



No. M. F. 

39. Wanted, a Nurse. 1 scene 4 

75. Weston the Walkist, Dutch 

sketch, 1 scene 7 1 

93. What Shall I Take ? farce, 1 act 8 1 

29. Who Died First ? 1 scene 3 1 

97. Who's the Actor ? farce, 1 

scene 4 

93. Wrong Woman iu the Right 

Place, sketch, 2 scenes 2 2 

85. Young Scamp, sketch, 1 scene. 3 



DE WITT'S DRAWING-ROOM OPERETTAS. 



I^~TO MUSICAL AMATEURS. „g| 

The number of Musical Amateurs, both ladies and gentlemen, is not only very 
large, but is constantly increasing, and very naturally, for there is no more m 
fined m& pleasant mode of spending leisure hours than in singing and playing the 
choice productions of the best Composers. Hitherto there has been an almost total 
lack of suitable pieces adapted to an evening's entertainment in Parlors by Amateurs. 
Of course whole Operas, or even parts of Operas, require orchestral accompani- 
ments and full choruses to give them effect, and are therefore clearly unfit for 
Amateur performance, while a succession of songs lacks the interest given by a 
plot and a contrast of characters. In this series {a list of which is given below) we 
have endeavored to supply this want. The best Music of popular Composers is wed- 
ded to appropriate words, and the whole dovetailed into plots that are effective as 
mere petite plays, but are rendered doubly interesting by the appropriate and beau- 
tiful Music, specially arranged for them. 



LIST OF DE WITT'S MUSICAL PLAYS. 

PRICE 15 GENTS EACH. 



LEAP YEAR— A Musical Dual- 
ity. By Alfred B. Sedgwick. Mu- 
sic selected and adapted from Of- 
fenbach's celebrated Opera, " Gene- 
vieve de Brabant.' 1 '' One Male, one 
Female Character. 

THE TWIN SISTERS-Comic 

Operetta, in One Act. The Music 
selected from the most popular num- 
bers in Le Cocq's celebrated Opera 
Bouffe, " Girofle Girofla,' n and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. Two Male, Two Female 
Characters. 

SOLD AGAIN AND GOT THE 

MONEY.— Comic Operetta, in One 
Act. The Mnsic composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. Three Male, One Female 
Character. 

THE QUEEREST COURTSHIP. 

—Comic Operetta, iu One Act. The 
Music arranged from Offenbach's 
celebrated Opera, " La Princesse de 
Trebizonde," and the Libretto writ- 
ten by Alfred B. Sedgwick. One 
Male, One Female Character. 



ESTRANGED— An Operetta, in 
One Act, The Musie arranged from 
Verdi's celebrated Opera, "II Trov- 
atore." and the Libretto adapted by 
Alfred B. Sedgwick. Two Male, 
One Female Character. 

CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER 

CASES. — Comic Operetta, in One 
Act. The music composed and the 
Libretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. One Male, One Female Char- 

MY WALKING PHOTOGRAPH. 

— Musical Duality, in One Act. The 
Music arranged from Le Cocq's 
Opera, ' 'La Mile de Madame A ngot. ' ' 
and the Libretto written by Alfred 
B. Sedgwick. One Male, One Fe- 
male Character. 

A SINGLE AND A MARRIED 

MAN. — Comic Operetta, in One Act. 
The Music arranged from Offen- 
bach's celebrated Opera Bouffe, 
" Madame V Archiduc,'" and the Li- 
bretto written by Alfred B. Sedg- 
wick. Two Male, two Female Char- 
acters. 



MOLLY MORIARTY..-A11 Irish 

Musical Sketch, in One Act The 
Music composed and the Dialogue 
written by Alfred B. Sedgwick. 
One Male, one Female Character. 
Suitable for the Variety Stage. 

THE CHARGE OF THE HASH 

BRIGADE.— A Comic Irish Musical 
Sketch. The Musie composed and 
the Libretto written by Joseph P. 
S kelly. Two Male, two Female 
Characters. Suitable for the Variety 
Stage. 



GAMBRINUS, KING OF LAGER 

BEER.— A Musical Ethiopian Bur- 
lesque, in One Act. Music and Dia- 
logue by Frank Dumont. Eight 
Male, one Female Character. Suita- 
ble for the Ethiopian Stage. 

AFRICANUS BLUEBEARD.-A 

Musical Ethiopian Burlesque, in One 
Act. Music and Dialogue by Frank 
Dumont. Four Male, four Female 
Characters Suitable for the Ethio~ 
plan Stage. 



DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS (Continued). 



No. M . F . 

144. Lancashire Lass, melodrama, 5 acts.12 3 

34. Lai-kins' Love Letters, farce, 1 act.. 3 2 

137. L' Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 5 

111. Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 2 

119. Life Chase, drama. 5 acts 14 5 

165. Living Statue (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 

48. Little Annie's Birthday, farce, 1 act. 2 4 
32. Little Rebel, farce, 1 act 4 3 

164. Little Ruby, drama, 3 acts 6 6 

109. Locked In, comedietta, 1 act 2 2 

85. Locked In with a Lady, sketch, 1 act. 1 1 

87. Locked Out, comic scene 1 2 

143. Lodgers and Dodgers, farce, 1 act.. 4 2 

189. Leap Year, musical duality, 1 act. .. 1 1 

163. Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts 10 3 

154. Maria and Magdalena, play, 4 acts . 8 6 

63. Marriage at Any Price, farce, 1 act. 5 3 

39. Master Jones' Birthday, farce, 1 act. 4 2 

7. Maud's Peril, drama, 4 acts 5 3 

49. Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act 8 2 

15. Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 2 

46. Miriam's Crime, drama, 3 acts 5 2 

51. Model of a Wife, farce, 1 act 3 2 

184. Money, comedy, 5 acts 17 3 

108= Mr. Scroggins, farce, 1 act 3 3 

188. Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 3 

169. My Uncle's Suit, farce, 1 act 4 1 

130. My Wife's Diar* , farce, 1 act 3 l 

92. My Wife's Out, farce, 1 j»ct 2 2 

193. My Walking Photograph, musical 

duality. 1 act 1 1 

140. Never Reckon Your Chickens, etc., 

farce, 1 act 3 4 

115. New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 5 

2. Nobody's Child, drama, 3 acts 8 3 

57. Noemie, drama, 2 acts 4 4 

104. No Name, drama, 5 acts .7 5 

112. Not a Bit Jealous, farce, 1 act 3 3 

185. Not So Bad as We Seem, play, 5 acts. 14 3 
84. Not Guilty, drama, 4 acts 10 6 

117. Not Such a Fool as He Looks, drama, 

3 acts 5 4 

171. Nothing Like Paste, farce,' i'act.'.'! 3 1 
14. No Thoroughfare, drama, 5 acts and 

prologue 13 6 

173. Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act. ... 3 3 

176. On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act. . 1 2 

90. Only a Halfpenny, farce, 1 act.... 2 2 

170. Only Somebody, farce, 1 act 4 2 
33. One too Many for Him, farce, 1 act. 2 3 

3. £100,000, comedy, 3 acts 8 4 

97. Orange Bio -soms, comedietta, 1 act. 3 3 
66. Orange Girl, drama, in prologue 

and 3 acts 18 4 

172. Ours, comedy, 3 acts ..." 6 3 

94. Our Clerks, farce, 1 act '...'. 7 5 

45. Our Domestics, comedy farce, 2 acts 6 6 

155. Our Heroes, military play. 5 acts. . .24 5 
178. Out at Sea, drama in prologue and 

4 acts 16 5 

147. Overland Route, comedy, 3 acts. . ..11 5 

156. Peace at Any Price, farce, 1 act .... 1 1 
82. Peep o' Day, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

127. Peggy Green, farce, 1 act 3 10 

23. Petticoat Parliament, extravaganza, 

in one act 15 24 

62. Photographic Fix, farce, 1 act 3 2 

A COMPLETE 




No - M. P . 

61. Plot and Passion, drama. 3 acts 7 2 

13S. Poll and Partner Jc?, burlesque, 1 

act 10 3 

110. Poppleton's Predicaments, farce, 13 6 

50. Porter's Knot, drama, 2 acts 8 2 

59. Post Boy, drama, 2 acts [5 3 

95. Pretty Horse- Breaker, farce, 1 act ! 3 10 

181 and 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acts.38 8 

157. Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act. ..52 
196. Queerest Courtship (The), comic op 

eretta, 1 act 1 1 

132. Race for a Dinner, farce, 1 act 10 

183. Richelieu, play, 5 acts 16 2 

38. Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts '.10 2 

77. Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts 8 4 

13. Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

194. Rum, drama, 3 acts 7 4 

195. Rosemi Shell, travesty, 1 act, "4 

scenes 6 3 

158. School, comedy, 4 acts .!!'.(? 6 

79. Sheep in Wolf's Clothing, drama, 17 5 

37. Silent Protector, farce, 1 act 3 2 

35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 2 1 

43. Sisterly Service, comedietta. 1 act . . 7 2 

6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act. 2 1 
10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . 1 1 

26. Society, comedy, 3 acts 16 5 

78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act.. 7 3 
31. Taming a Tiger, farce, 1 act 3 

150. Tell-Tale Heart, comedietta, 1 act. . 1 2 
120. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act. 2 1 
146. There's no Smoke Without Fire, 

comedietta, 1 act 1 2 

83. Thrice Married, personation piece, 

1 act 6 1 

42. Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts. . 7 3 

27. Time and Tide, drama, 3 acts and 

prologue 7 5 

133. Timothy to the Rescue, farce, i act/ 4 2 
153. 'Tis Better to Live than to Die, 

farce, 1 act 2 1 

134. Tompkins the Troubadour, farce, i 3 2 
29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act 5 3 

168. Tweedie's Rights, comedy, 2 acts.. 4 2 

126. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act 6 3 

56. Two Gay Deceivers, farce, 1 act 3 

123. Two Polts, farce, 1 act 4 4 

198. Twin Sisters (The), comic operetta, 

1 act 3 1 

162. Uncle's Will, comedietta, 1 act 2 1 

106. Up for the Cattle Show, farce, 1 act. 6 2 
81. Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 3 

124. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 6 

91. Walpole, comedy, 3 acts 7 2 

118. Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 3 
44. War to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts. . . 5 4 
105. Which ofthe Two? comedietta, 1 act 2 10 

98. Who is Who? farce, 1 act 3 2 

12. Widow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 4 

5. William Tell with a Vengeance, 

burlesque 8 2 

136. Woman in Red, drama, 3 acts and 

prologue 6 

161. Woman's Vows and Mason's Oaths, 

4 acts 10 4 

11. Woodcock's Little Game, farce, 2 4 4 
54. Young Collegian (Cantab.), farce, 13 3 

DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE 



of DE "WITT'S ACTING PLAYS AND DE WITT'S 
ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS , containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, 
Time of Representation and every other information, mailed free and post paid. Address, 
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